You know you've been playing Zelda too much if....... by Eon
1. When you look in the mirror, you could swear there was a blonde, blue eyed Hylian boy staring back at you.
2. You begin to think your Science teacher is Ganondorf and decide to take a few days off from school to fin the Master Sword and Six Sages' Medallions to defeat him/her with.
3. Your butt has been numb for the past week and a half.
4. You forget all about food, sleep, and school and begin to focus on sharpening your fishing, training your horse, and shooting your fairy bow.
5. You learn that the curency in Djibouti (in Africa) is Rupees while your in the library and start to freak out.
6. Your hands are taking on the shape of your controller.
7. You deem all red heads Gerudo's and try to stun them using a pencil as a Hookshot.
8. Your to do list has down "Find Epona, Save Princess Zelda, Don't forget dinner!"
9. You dive in the ocean when you see a whale and try to go in it's mouth to save Princess Ruto.
10. You keep an eye out for Gold Skulltula.
11. You brag about how you defeated Queen Gohma without getting a scratch.
12. You finally step out of your room and realize your hungry, you smell, your tired and you have no more friends left.
13. You've actually done one or two of the things on this list.
You Know You've Been Playing Too Much Zelda If... By Sylvia
1. When someone uses the pencil sharpener, you go up and use your pen or pencil to try to get a token.
2. When you get in trouble and go to the principal, you yell at him/her, "You can never defeat ME, Ganondorf!"
3. You always wear green and you dyed your hair bleach blonde.
4. You watch a Jerry Springer episode about bigimists, and you laugh, "Look! It's Link! And Zelda, Malon, Ruto, Saria and Nabooru!"
5. You thought your sibling was a Moblin and that's why they are tied up in the basement now with a threat of a sharpened pencil.
6. You demand the Triforce Of Power from that red-headed boy in your grade.
7. You put a glass to your eye and try to walk through walls thinking, "The Lens Of Truth knows the way!"
8. You talk to your rock collection asking about the Goron's Ruby and Durania.
9. You talk to your goldfish asking about the Zora's Sapphire and Ruto.
10. You go to Seaworld and ask to swim in the whale's tank to find Ruto.
You Know You've Been Playing Too Much Zelda If... By Tahoi
You Know You Play Too Much Zelda When... By Princess Ruto
You Know You've Been Playing Too Much Zelda If... (part 2) By Sylvia
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You know you've been playing too much Zelda when... By Zelda
You Might Be a Zelda Freak If... By UltraFleck
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You Know You've Been Playing Too Much Zelda When... By MidnaScape
You know you've been playing waaaay to much Zelda when... By Abby
You know you have become addicted to the Legend of Zelda and you should seriously consider getting professional help when… by Link_fan
*You can’t go back to the local zoo…you chased the goats in the petting zoo into the barn, you tried to free the wolf, and you attempted to dive into the whale tank. (What? You were looking for Ruto!)
*You will drink a suicide drink without a second thought, but you will NEVER eat grape jelly. Ever.
*You can beat the
in your sleep, but you CAN’T UNLOCK YOUR DANG LOCKER!!!! Water Temple
*You buy an ocarina, take it to school, and play Zelda’s Lullaby in front of your locker. You are surprised when it doesn’t open…
*You can play all of the ocarina songs on your recorder in music class, but you can’t play Hot Cross Buns.
*You have memorized the Triforce of time theory, but you can’t remember the Pythagorean Theorem.
*Your English teacher gives you back your vocabulary quiz, and the only word you didn’t define correctly was “din.” However, your teacher still gave you half credit for the definition you wrote…
*You have a profound hatred for your redheaded science teacher.
*You pitch a fit when he confiscates your three-tipped highlighter, after you show it to all the other students claiming it has magical powers.
*You look on the signup sheet for foreign language courses, and are bummed out to see that Hylian 101 is not an option.
*You will have nightmares if somebody taps out Bongo Bongo’s drumming beat when you are asleep.
*You are absolutely TERRIFIED of chickens.
*Whenever you have chicken for dinner, you scream “REVENGE! SWEET REVENGE!” and laugh evilly, while the rest of your family wonders what is your problem and where they went wrong.
*You silently thank Nayru, goddess of wisdom, when you pass a math test you didn’t study for.
*The only things you ever hear in a conversation are related to The Legend of Zelda.
*You tell your friends red potion actually does exist…except for it has the weirdest name…Tylenol!
*You mistook Listerine for blue potion…and think it tastes much better than red potion.
*You think that if nobody but your friends can understand you when you speak, you think you are speaking in Hylian.
*You’ve trained your dog to attack any red headed male it sees.
*You have trained your parrot to say “Hey, listen!” when it wants your attention.
*All of your answers on your religion tests have to do with the Triforce.
*You think your zip line is a primitive Hookshot.
*You are too good at whiffleball.
*It took your whiffleball team three hours to explain you are NOT supposed to hit the pitcher.
*You ignore them and hit the pitcher anyway. When you hit him, you run up and attack him with the bat.
*When you are sent to the principal’s office for this, you say, “What? I’m trying to save your sorry butt here from a psycho Gerudo!”
*When you are given detention for said misconduct, you threaten to turn into a wolf and sic the principal.
*The principal tells you the chocolate milk you had at lunch had a special potion in it that doesn’t let you turn into a wolf. (You later realize he’s a Zelda geek too, and he knows EXACTLY how to deal with you.)
*During detention, you “break out” of the “Gerudo Fortress dungeon” (aka Room 208) and go to “rescue Zelda” (otherwise known as your best friend) who just happens to be in the red headed science teacher’s class.
*You are in the science class watching the maniac do this and you think they’re absolutely…normal.
*You wander through a marsh looking for reeds with which to call your horse or a hawk, and wonder why you can’t find any.
*Any time someone is mad at you, you innocently say, “Hey! Well excuuuuuuuse me, _________!” (Fill in the blank.)
*You go to camp and your parents get a call three hours after they drop you off. It’s the camp director. Apparently, some archery gear, a boomerang, a brown camp horse (who bears an uncanny resemblance to Epona) and you are all missing.
*The camp later gets a call from a farmer that lives up the road. Apparently, you attacked his prizewinning pig…
*When forced to pay for veterinary bills for the damaged pig, you shrug and say, “Sure, just give me a few minutes to go shake some trees.”
*You think horses will go faster if you give them carrots.
*You have attempted to race the local stable owner.
*You have gotten every single person you know addicted to The Legend of Zelda, and you call all of them by a Hylian name.
*Driver’s license, schmrivers license. I have a horse that can take me anywhere in a matter of minutes!
*You can’t stand that redheaded fourth grader who lives next door.
*You hate Barney the dinosaur and Batman. A Dinolfo and a Keese, right?
*Your best friend’s phone number is listed as “
” in your cell phone. Hyrule Castle
*You refuse to drink anything but red, green, and blue Gatorade and milk.
*You call your rollerblades hover boots.
*You have been Link or Zelda every year for Halloween since your parents bought you your first Legend of Zelda game.
*You forced your little sister to be Navi…and she knew who you were talking about.
*Your neighbor is pregnant, and you suggest that she name the baby Zelda or Link, depending on its gender. She said she was considering both of those names, as well as Colin, Beth, Saria...
*That same neighbor says something about losing a cradle when she moved, and you immediately start looking for that dang monkey…
*You call your little brother Colin, Talo, or Mido and you call your little sister Saria, Navi, or Midna (depending on what kind of mood you are in that day.)
*You call your best friend Zelda or Link. Even better, they insist on it!
*You freak out whenever you see someone wearing cornrows or curlers.
*Whenever you see the Tootsie Roll Pop commercial with the owl, and the kid asks “Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?” you expect the owl to go on a LOONNNGGGG rant about some theory related to this, the logic behind it, and its need to be tested as opposed to just saying “Let’s find out!”
*You never let cats sit with you while you go fishing.
*You have ever fallen asleep listening to Zelda’s Lullaby.
*You are sent to the emergency room with a swollen body since you were convinced that eating wasp larvae would improve your overall health, with the explanation that you didn’t have your hawk to knock down the nest and scare the wasps away.
*You think if you wear a blue t shirt, tie cinder blocks to your legs, and jump into the pool at the YMCA, you will not drown.
*You wake up in the hospital and, not remembering how you got there, say, “This is a weird place to warp to…”
*You’ve broken any limb jumping off a building, trying to see if chickens could fly and carry you to another high place.
*Thanks to your many adventures attempting to act like Link, the hospital staff knows you by name, the fact you are addicted to Zelda, and now sends you a Christmas card as a favorite (and infamous) patient.
*You rate scary things on a scale from 1 to the trippy cut scene from Twilight Princess.
*Every spare inch of your final exam for English is covered in Zelda related cartoons.
*Your thesis paper in English concerned why Link never says anything (The acting he had to do in the Zelda cartoon scarred him for life).
*When asked who invented waterslides, magnetic items, the grappling hook, medicine, water wheels, the carnival, and the windmill, you reply “Hylians.”
*You lay awake at night wondering if Epona’s song gets cows to give you milk, if playing something else would get them to give you chocolate milk.
*You are asked your religion on a standardized test, and you have to check “Other” when you see “Whatever religion is in Hyrule” is not an option.
*90% of the memory on your computer is Zelda fanfiction.
*If it doesn’t sound like the
, it’s not church. Templeof Time
*You think it’s perfectly acceptable to run through your local cathedral breaking everything with your trusty broom sword, on the grounds you are trying to save the world, duh.
*You attack the priest when he excommunicates you for such irreverence, claiming he is doing the work of Ganon and he WILL rue the day he did such a thing.
*You are especially good at languages…how? You rented a Zelda game in another language. You had the English version memorized anyway.
*You took a computer class just because it uses the word “Link” often.
*You sneak into the drama props closet during break and are sad to learn the masks don’t turn you into something else.
*On a camping trip with your friends, you see a very large full moon and start to walk around, looking terrified, chanting, “Three days…three days…”
*You have a profound hatred of mailmen.
*You instinctively hide whenever male joggers pass by in short shorts, hoping to Din they don’t see you in time to give you your mail.
*You run around at a farm, chasing chickens and hitting them with a stick, wondering why you don’t turn into one.
*You giggle like a schoolgirl whenever you open your math book and spot a triforce.
*You wonder just what it is a certain medicine company is selling…after all, they do have a triforce on their commercial.
*Your friends drive you nuts, since every time they mention Twilight, you think they’re talking about the werewolf Zelda game, not sparkly vampires.
*Your parents have to call the school with a warning every day you manage to wear a dark green, red, or blue shirt to school with a white one under it.
*You ask the lady at the local bar where her cat is since you want to talk to it.
*You were arrested at the local bar not for drunken behavior, but because you attempted to crawl through the vent system, claiming it led to
. Hyrule Castle
*You know better than to call every dog you ever meet “Doggie.” It gets really annoying.
*On Halloween, a friend gives you some toasted pumpkin seeds, and you say “Thanks! I needed more ammo for my slingshot!”
*You make a jack o lantern and are shocked to see there are no rupees inside the pumpkin when you crack it open.
*You visit the redwood trees in
and baffle the national park rangers by asking the trees for advice, or money, if they have nothing to say. California
*You have angered a local farmer by running around and smashing all his pumpkins, expecting to find money.
*You have fallen out of a tree before, looking for the source of money.
*You honestly believe money grows on trees.
*You think a dollar bill is worth hardly anything-it’s basically a flat green rupee, and not nearly as pretty.
*You are too good at the balloon dart game at the local carnival…especially if the balloons resemble strawberries or other fruits.
*You see a hobo with an afro and ask him for lantern oil, but run screaming if he offers you soup instead.
*Your friends take you bowling, and you wonder why you aren’t using bombs, and why the target is on the floor and shaped like a pyramid, not on the wall and in the shape of a bullseye.
*You have trained your dog to come when you play “Epona’s Song.”
*You outright refuse to play anything on your musical instrument for your parents except for the Zelda Overworld theme.
*Your list of people to shove down the stairs on the
Eiffel Toweris as follows: Ganondorf, the creepy mailman from Twilight Princess, your science teacher, and whatever sick wacko created the in Ocarina of Time. Water Temple
*Anger management=frightening random townspeople as a wolf in Twilight Princess.
*You wonder why the goats at the petting zoo are not purple with large horns…
*Your tree house resembles a real house, complete with a bed.
*You have a tennis ball you painted blue and covered in glitter, and you call it Navi and take it everywhere with you.
*If you ever read Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven” in class, all you can think of is all those ravens in the field in Twilight Princess and how you’re supposed to shoot them…and thus, they become “Nevermore.”
*You had an epiphany as to why Edgar Allen Poe is so moody in all his writing: as a Poe, he was robbed of his soul, thanks to a particular hero in tights…
*You are wanted by the government as a grave robber.
*You think there is a sword hidden somewhere in your local church, and you sneak out of the service on Sundays to try to find it (this is a different church than the aforementioned one where you wrecked everything, of course)
*You can’t watch “Lord of the Rings” without shouting at Legolas that he’s a “LINK WANNABE!”
*You half expect to walk into Wal-Mart and see people dancing to the Malo Mart music…or, at least, to hear the store music.
*Your ideal job is working at Medieval Times as a knight.
*You are dead certain the gold Buddha downtown at the Chinese restaurant is really a man frozen in gold as punishment for his greed, and wonder why there isn’t a cat on his head…and promise it, on more than one occasion, that you are finding enough Poes for him to be set free.
*You hum the “duh nuh na nuhhh!” theme you hear when you discover something in Zelda whenever you find something you lost in real life.
*Understanding the whole story of Hyrule’s creation and figuring out the messy timeline of the games is something you can handle, but your brain melts when you are asked basic chronology of major events in world history.
*You think it’s perfectly safe to enter random basements in the middle of nowhere, because the old men in them will definitely want to aid you on your quest.
*Your yacht has a red dragon head on the front of it, and you talk to it for advice almost constantly while you are sailing.
*You tell small children you are attempting to save their lives from an evil king, and say it to the point where they believe you and you become responsible for mental therapy.
*You think a whole heck of a lot more would be accomplished if your country had Zelda as queen.
*You wonder that, if Zelda is a princess, where the baklava are her parents in the later games?
*You use the fact Ganon went from a pig to a man over the 20+ years Zelda has been in existence as proof of evolution.
*You think Seymour in “Little Shop of Horrors” is a complete retard for thinking Audrey II wouldn’t eat him…after all Audrey II was a Deku Baba.
*The school knows which English textbooks were yours: all of the stories have the names of main characters whited-out with “Zelda,” “Link,” and “Ganon” written over them in the appropriate places.
*You think kindergarteners are Kokiri and wonder how they managed to leave the forest without dying.
*Thanks to Zelda, you know the definitions of the words doppelganger and benevolence.
*You wonder if your bathroom mirror could take you to the Twilight Realm.
*You never underestimate the helpfulness (or obnoxiousness) of monkeys.
*And, when you die, you tell your friends to make sure your grave is secure so no one can rob you of your hard earned rupees!
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