Other Zelda-related Humour

From Gallop T. Kelpie and Donovan Feldman of Gallop's Fanfiction Archives


  1. Play the Ocarina in school and join the band.
  2. Worship the three goddesses at local church.
  3. Wear Kokiri-type clothes (for Link fans).
  4. Keep Rupees in a pouch and guard them.
  5. Free your fave riding horse from the local stable by having a race with the owner, and then jump over the stable fence.
  6. Fall in love with the son/daughter of the stable owner.
  7. Attach arrows to strobelights and fire them at the school bully (Gannondorf) and claim that they are light arrows.
  8. Refer to your room as the Sacred Realm. Play the Song of Time on your Ocarina to open the door, insert your Master Sword into the Pedestal of Time (your hamster's cage) and see if you turn into a shrimp.
  9. Play the Song of Storms on your Ocarina, and if it doesn't rain, sigh deeply and get depressed.
  10. Make a Keaton Mask, and when people ask what the hell you're doing, say: You haven't heard of Keaton?! That's a good one!
  11. Go back to your blacksmith and pay him 80 rupees for a Hylian Shield.
  12. Stop and ask people if they know the way to Kakariko Village.
  13. With your Hylian Shield, cover your face with it during math class and claim you are protecting yourself from evil forces.
  14. Have your ears done by a plastic surgeon.
  15. Label your milk carton "Lon Lon Milk" and then swig it down in two gulps.

An interview with Link by Tze Fai Leung

TF: Hi everybody! Today I am with the hero of time, Link, in his house!

Link: Hello.

TF: How do you do?

Link: I'm fine.

TF: Tell me Link, what's your opinion on Ganon/Ganondorf

Link: He's a slow, stupid, easy villain to me since pigs are born to be clumsy, dumb, and roast in oven, and Ganon is that type.


Link grabbed his bow and shot some silver arrows at Ganon and killed him.

TF: What do you think about Zelda?

Link: Well (Zelda walks in.)

Zelda: Hi honey. (Kissed him on his cheek. Then she turned toward me.) TF, have I seen you somewhere before?


Zelda: Okay I gonna go to checked on something. Be right back.

Link: I love her.

TF: Well, don't you ever like Malon?

Link: I like her. She's my friend. NEXT!

TF: Apparently, you seem to hate this question.

Link: Alright! I admit it! I LOVE her! She is the first girl I me the first time I am out of the forest, and she has a better temper than Zelda.

TF: What about Ruto? You know, the one that call you her fiancee?

Link. She is such a stupid girl! I never felt the way like that!

TF: What about Impa?

Link: She is fine, as long as you don't mess with her or other sages. Hey! What's the big idea? You keep asking those women!

TF: Have you read my top ten list?

Link: Yeah, it's funny and thanks for making me so high. Why?

From the entrance of the forest, we saw a bunch of Hylians, human, Zoras, Gerudos, Gorons, and Kokiri.

TF: Do you know a good place to hide? Heh heh heh.


Impa: Who said I am an old fart?

Spryte: Who said I can't use those magic? Nintendo have pay me to not to help Link!

Ruto: As I represent the sages, WE JUST DON'T WANT TO USE THE SPELLS! And we are not chickens!

TF: I knew I should have made a plot hole!

Suddenly, out of nowhere, came Ganon.

Ganon: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Now I have made a plothole generator to reopen the plothole, though we knew Mr. Miyamato first created it. Anyway, once I opened the plothole, I will be able to gain access to all dimensions! I will get new weapons, armor, yadda yadda yadda.

TF: A plothole? Thanks! (I jumped through, then out come with a Phantom)

Ruto: What is that thing?

Impa: It looks like a gun from the game of Goldeneye

TF: That's right! (I shoot and kill everybody except Link and Ganon.)

Ganon: Thanks, man.

TF: Not so fast; I got the Silver PP7.( I shoot a few silver bullets and kill Ganon.)

TF: Link, they will be back in 30 minutes through the plothole. I am going to have a drink. You come?

Ganon: Ouch! My hands! You shoot me right in my right hand! Ouch! Curse you!

TF shoots one more bullet

TF: Now, Let's...

Ganon: Ouch! My legs! You shoot me right through the legs! Ouch! Now I can't walk!

TF shoots another bullet. NO more sound.. but some hissing. Link and I turned around and saw Ganon doing hand sign. He said:

Ganon:(Ouch! MY throat! you shoot right through my throat! Now I can't talk!)

TF:Shut you **** up! (Shoot two bullets through His heart and brain. He gone for good this time.. for now.) Let's go to a pub. Know a good one?

Link:There's one in Castle town.

Well, the others have come back, but they can't find me, as long as I am not within Hyrule! Psst... don't tell them I'm alive or I am in big trouble.

What REALLY happened.....by Julietta F.

It was the final confrontation. Link and Ganon were finally face to face. I had the luck of being right there! Here is an accurate account of what happened (I swear!).

GANON (smiling): Heheheh. We meet again, Linky-boy!

LINK: What?!

GANON: I overheard Princess Ruto call you that!

LINK: Don’t bring that up.

GANON (in a high squeaky voice): Oh Linky-boy! Save me! (laughs)

LINK (angrily): Stop it!

GANON: Never! Linky-boy! Linky-boy! Linky-BOY!

LINK (plugging ears): I can’t hear you! LA LA LA LA LA!

GANON (evilly): BWA HA HA HA HA!!!

LINK: Whatever you say, GANIE-POO!

GANON: YEEAAH! How did you find out about that?! You idiot!

LINK: Ha ha ha. I was SPYING on you!!!!

GANON: I’m going to kill you for that.

LINK: No, you won’t. I rule! Nyah nyah nyah!

GANON: At least I didn’t two-time on Zelda!

LINK: How dare you! (raises fists)

ME: Yessss! Time for the good stuff!

LINK: Who the heck are you?!

ME: I’ll be the referee. Don’t you have a sword?

LINK: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Now, where did I put that thing? (Looks around) NOOOO! I lost it! How could I LOSE it?!

GANON: Ha ha! (raises scepter to kill him)

ME:(blowing my referee whistle.)

GANON: What did I do?!

ME: That’s unfair! You have a weapon and he doesn’t!


ME: Oh, by the way, to make this a fair fight, you need cheerleaders too.

I lead in eight girls. Four (Gerudos) go over to Ganon’s side. They are wearing black shirts with an orange "G" on them, and orange skirts.

GANON: Yowza!

GANON’S CHEERLEADERS: Ganon! Ganon! He’s our man! If he can’t do it, nobody can! (They do cartwheels and stuff).

ME: Shut up!

Zelda, Malon, Ruto, and Saria come in wearing green cheerleading outfits with a yellow "L" on them.


LINK’S CHEERLEADERS: Go Link! Go Link! Go, go, go Link! (They wave their pompoms and stuff)

ME: You shut up too! Okay, fight you guys! (They get ready to fight and I blow my whistle).


ME: Ganon is too big! Play something where the odds are equal!

LINK: Like what?

GANON: I have an idea! Let’s play.....BUM BUM BUM! Chinese checkers! Bwa ha ha!


ONE OF GANON’S CHEERLEADERS: Um... I think he’s like, lost his mind, so, like, let’s go cheer for Link now, he’s totally cute!

LINK: Really?

GANON (To cheerleaders): You guys are supposed to be on my side!


GANON: Okay, now, let’s play!

LINK: Hey, wait a minute, I don’t remember there being any places called China in Hyrule.

GANON: Um.....Oh well!

LINK: Have you been smuggling foreign imports again?

GANON: Yes! I mean no!

EVERYBODY EXCEPT GANON: Ganon! Shame on you!

ONE OF GANON’S CHEERLEADERS (flirting): Ganie-poo, I bet you did that all for me!


YET ANOTHER CHEERLEADER: Ganie-poo did it for me!

GANON: Don’t call me GANIE-POO!!!!!

LINK (rolling on the floor laughing): HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S TOO FUNNY!!!

ZELDA: What do we do now?

RUTO (sarcastically): Let’s play a nice game of shuffleboard!

ME: Okay, shuffleboard it is!


ME: Okay, no! How about underwater basket weaving?

RUTO: I’d win. I can breath underwater, ya know.

ME: How about cherry stem tying?


(Talon brings in about 25,000 cherry stems in a big basket).

TALON(to Malon): Hi, honey. Having fun? (To Link) You’re all she talks about, you know.

RUTO: Err.....(gives Malon a look).

MALON (blushing): DAD!!!!

ME: Okay, Link and Ganon! Get ready, set, GO!

GANON: #*@$! These fricking cheery stems are so small!

LINK: Yesssss! I’m winning!

LINK’S CHEERLEADERS: Gimme an L! Gimme an I! Gimme an N! Gimme a K!

RUTO: Gimme a Y! Gimme a -! Gimme a B! Gimme an O! Gimme another Y! What does that spell?!

LINK: Nooooo! Never call me that again!

GANON’S CHEERLEADERS: Gimme a G! Gimme an A! Gimme an M....or maybe that was a Q! Or maybe.....never mind.

GANON: I HATE THIS CONTEST!!!! (zaps all the cherry stems away)

LINK: What did you do that for?

GANON: Um...no reason.

LINK: Why, you....

ME: Wait! I just had a vision! Your contest-to the death-is destined to be......figure skating!


ME: Yeah, PARTNER figure skating!

LINK: Whatever. I don’t care.

ME: But WHO will you skate with?!

LINK: Um...........

RUTO: Me! He’s my fiance!

ZELDA: What?! He’s in love with me!

MALON: No, me! I’m prettiest!

SARIA: I had him first!

RUTO: Well, he kissed me!

ZELDA: Hey! Me too!

MALON: Same here!

SARIA: You’re all liars! He kissed me first!


LINK (backing away): Um......heh heh.....I can explain.....

RUTO (holding nunchucks): You better hope so, bucko.

LINK: Oh boy.............

ONE OF GANON’S CHEERLEADERS: Oh Liiiink....can I come cheer for you, hottie???

LINK: YEAH! SCORE!!!!!! I mean, no! Of course not........


ZELDA: Link is mine!!


MALON: Ditto!


(They all start having this huge catfight...)

ONE OF GANON’S CHEERLEADERS: Hey girls! Looks like fun. Can we fight with you?

ZELDA: Go right ahead.

(So now all the girls are in the catfight, and Link and Ganon are just sort of standing there)

LINK: Ganon, wanna go get a beer?

GANON: Hey, aren’t you under age?

LINK: Yeah......

GANON: Let’s just watch our cheerleaders battle it out.

LINK: Twenty rupees on Malon.


Link's Future Ancestor? - by Topaz989

Could Luke Skywalker be Link's future ancestor? Let's see the simularities.....

Link- Name sounds like Luke
Luke- Name sounds like Link (WELL DUH)

Link- Impa,an old woman, sensed the Triforce in him.
Luke- Yoda,an old muppet, sensed the Force in him.

Link- Has to save Princess Zelda in his games
Luke- Has to save Princess Leia in his movies

Link- His enemy, Ganondorf, was sent to the Realm of Darkness
Luke- His enemy, Darth Vader, was sent into the darkness of space

Link- His creator Shigirio Miyamoto was declared a genius in the videogame market
Luke- His creator George Lucas was declared a genius in the film market

Link- Had to carrry Ruto on his back
Luke- Had to carry Yoda on his back

Link- Link has a shadow that symbolizes his inner darkness
Luke- Luke has a father that tried to get him to join the Dark Side

Link- Link had an uncle who get killed near the beginning of the game
Luke- Luke had an uncle who got killed near the beginning of the movie

Link- Link and Zelda, a sister-brother like relationship
Luke- Luke and Leia, a temporary sister AND brother relationship

Link- Carries around The Master Sword
Luke- Carries around The Jedi Light Saber

Link- TLOZ had a cartoon, a brief TLOZ franchise
Luke- SW had an Ewok cartoon, nearly killed the SW franchise

Link- Link has the Triforce on his hand
Luke- Uhhhh, Luke has a bionic hand (CLOSE ENOUGH!!!)

Link and Peter Pan Comparison - by Princess Ruto

Ever notice the similarities between Link and Peter Pan?

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 This page was created by Juliet A. Singleton © 1999. All rights reserved.