From Gallop T. Kelpie and Donovan Feldman of Gallop's Fanfiction Archives
HOW TO BECOME A HYLIAN - by Patches7
An interview with Link by Tze Fai Leung
TF: Hi everybody! Today I am with the hero of time, Link, in his house!
TF: How do you do?
Link: I'm fine.
TF: Tell me Link, what's your opinion on Ganon/Ganondorf
Link: He's a slow, stupid, easy villain to me since pigs are born to be clumsy, dumb, and roast in oven, and Ganon is that type.
Ganon: WHY YOU LITTLE!
Link grabbed his bow and shot some silver arrows at Ganon and killed him.
TF: What do you think about Zelda?
Link: Well (Zelda walks in.)
Zelda: Hi honey. (Kissed him on his cheek. Then she turned toward me.) TF, have I seen you somewhere before?
Zelda: Okay I gonna go to checked on something. Be right back.
Link: I love her.
TF: Well, don't you ever like Malon?
Link: I like her. She's my friend. NEXT!
TF: Apparently, you seem to hate this question.
Link: Alright! I admit it! I LOVE her! She is the first girl I me the first time I am out of the forest, and she has a better temper than Zelda.
TF: What about Ruto? You know, the one that call you her fiancee?
Link. She is such a stupid girl! I never felt the way like that!
TF: What about Impa?
Link: She is fine, as long as you don't mess with her or other sages. Hey! What's the big idea? You keep asking those women!
TF: Have you read my top ten list?
Link: Yeah, it's funny and thanks for making me so high. Why?
From the entrance of the forest, we saw a bunch of Hylians, human, Zoras, Gerudos, Gorons, and Kokiri.
TF: Do you know a good place to hide? Heh heh heh.
Zelda: YOU ARE THE ONE THAT WROTE HOW COME WE SUCK, RIGHT? WELL, WE WILL SHOW YOU WHO'S STUPID AND LAZY!
Impa: Who said I am an old fart?
Spryte: Who said I can't use those magic? Nintendo have pay me to not to help Link!
Ruto: As I represent the sages, WE JUST DON'T WANT TO USE THE SPELLS! And we are not chickens!
TF: I knew I should have made a plot hole!
Suddenly, out of nowhere, came Ganon.
Ganon: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Now I have made a plothole generator to reopen the plothole, though we knew Mr. Miyamato first created it. Anyway, once I opened the plothole, I will be able to gain access to all dimensions! I will get new weapons, armor, yadda yadda yadda.
TF: A plothole? Thanks! (I jumped through, then out come with a Phantom)
Ruto: What is that thing?
Impa: It looks like a gun from the game of Goldeneye
TF: That's right! (I shoot and kill everybody except Link and Ganon.)
Ganon: Thanks, man.
TF: Not so fast; I got the Silver PP7.( I shoot a few silver bullets and kill Ganon.)
TF: Link, they will be back in 30 minutes through the plothole. I am going to have a drink. You come?
Ganon: Ouch! My hands! You shoot me right in my right hand! Ouch! Curse you!
TF shoots one more bullet
TF: Now, Let's...
Ganon: Ouch! My legs! You shoot me right through the legs! Ouch! Now I can't walk!
TF shoots another bullet. NO more sound.. but some hissing. Link and I turned around and saw Ganon doing hand sign. He said:
Ganon:(Ouch! MY throat! you shoot right through my throat! Now I can't talk!)
TF:Shut you **** up! (Shoot two bullets through His heart and brain. He gone for good this time.. for now.) Let's go to a pub. Know a good one?
Link:There's one in Castle town.
Well, the others have come back, but they can't find me, as long as I am not within Hyrule! Psst... don't tell them I'm alive or I am in big trouble.
What REALLY happened.....by Julietta F.
It was the final confrontation. Link and Ganon were finally face to face. I had the luck of being right there! Here is an accurate account of what happened (I swear!).
GANON (smiling): Heheheh. We meet again, Linky-boy!
GANON: I overheard Princess Ruto call you that!
LINK: Dont bring that up.
GANON (in a high squeaky voice): Oh Linky-boy! Save me! (laughs)
LINK (angrily): Stop it!
GANON: Never! Linky-boy! Linky-boy! Linky-BOY!
LINK (plugging ears): I cant hear you! LA LA LA LA LA!
GANON (evilly): BWA HA HA HA HA!!!
LINK: Whatever you say, GANIE-POO!
GANON: YEEAAH! How did you find out about that?! You idiot!
LINK: Ha ha ha. I was SPYING on you!!!!
GANON: Im going to kill you for that.
LINK: No, you wont. I rule! Nyah nyah nyah!
GANON: At least I didnt two-time on Zelda!
LINK: How dare you! (raises fists)
ME: Yessss! Time for the good stuff!
LINK: Who the heck are you?!
ME: Ill be the referee. Dont you have a sword?
LINK: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Now, where did I put that thing? (Looks around) NOOOO! I lost it! How could I LOSE it?!
GANON: Ha ha! (raises scepter to kill him)
ME:(blowing my referee whistle.)
GANON: What did I do?!
ME: Thats unfair! You have a weapon and he doesnt!
ME: Oh, by the way, to make this a fair fight, you need cheerleaders too.
I lead in eight girls. Four (Gerudos) go over to Ganons side. They are wearing black shirts with an orange "G" on them, and orange skirts.
GANONS CHEERLEADERS: Ganon! Ganon! Hes our man! If he cant do it, nobody can! (They do cartwheels and stuff).
ME: Shut up!
Zelda, Malon, Ruto, and Saria come in wearing green cheerleading outfits with a yellow "L" on them.
LINK: DOUBLE yowza!
LINKS CHEERLEADERS: Go Link! Go Link! Go, go, go Link! (They wave their pompoms and stuff)
ME: You shut up too! Okay, fight you guys! (They get ready to fight and I blow my whistle).
GANON AND LINK: WHAT???!!!!!!!
ME: Ganon is too big! Play something where the odds are equal!
LINK: Like what?
GANON: I have an idea! Lets play.....BUM BUM BUM! Chinese checkers! Bwa ha ha!
EVERYBODY EXCEPT GANON: Chinese checkers?
ONE OF GANONS CHEERLEADERS: Um... I think hes like, lost his mind, so, like, lets go cheer for Link now, hes totally cute!
GANON (To cheerleaders): You guys are supposed to be on my side!
GANON: Okay, now, lets play!
LINK: Hey, wait a minute, I dont remember there being any places called China in Hyrule.
GANON: Um.....Oh well!
LINK: Have you been smuggling foreign imports again?
GANON: Yes! I mean no!
EVERYBODY EXCEPT GANON: Ganon! Shame on you!
ONE OF GANONS CHEERLEADERS (flirting): Ganie-poo, I bet you did that all for me!
ANOTHER CHEERLEADER: No, me!
YET ANOTHER CHEERLEADER: Ganie-poo did it for me!
GANON: Dont call me GANIE-POO!!!!!
LINK (rolling on the floor laughing): HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!! ITS TOO FUNNY!!!
ZELDA: What do we do now?
RUTO (sarcastically): Lets play a nice game of shuffleboard!
ME: Okay, shuffleboard it is!
ME: Okay, no! How about underwater basket weaving?
RUTO: Id win. I can breath underwater, ya know.
ME: How about cherry stem tying?
EVERYBODY: YAY! MY FAVORITE SPORT!
(Talon brings in about 25,000 cherry stems in a big basket).
TALON(to Malon): Hi, honey. Having fun? (To Link) Youre all she talks about, you know.
RUTO: Err.....(gives Malon a look).
MALON (blushing): DAD!!!!
ME: Okay, Link and Ganon! Get ready, set, GO!
GANON: #*@$! These fricking cheery stems are so small!
LINK: Yesssss! Im winning!
LINKS CHEERLEADERS: Gimme an L! Gimme an I! Gimme an N! Gimme a K!
RUTO: Gimme a Y! Gimme a -! Gimme a B! Gimme an O! Gimme another Y! What does that spell?!
LINK: Nooooo! Never call me that again!
GANONS CHEERLEADERS: Gimme a G! Gimme an A! Gimme an M....or maybe that was a Q! Or maybe.....never mind.
GANON: I HATE THIS CONTEST!!!! (zaps all the cherry stems away)
LINK: What did you do that for?
GANON: Um...no reason.
LINK: Why, you....
ME: Wait! I just had a vision! Your contest-to the death-is destined to be......figure skating!
EVERYBODY EXCEPT ME: WHAAAAAT??!!!!!
ME: Yeah, PARTNER figure skating!
LINK: Whatever. I dont care.
ME: But WHO will you skate with?!
RUTO: Me! Hes my fiance!
ZELDA: What?! Hes in love with me!
MALON: No, me! Im prettiest!
SARIA: I had him first!
RUTO: Well, he kissed me!
ZELDA: Hey! Me too!
MALON: Same here!
SARIA: Youre all liars! He kissed me first!
ZELDA, RUTO, MALON, AND SARIA TOGETHER: LINK!!!!
LINK (backing away): Um......heh heh.....I can explain.....
RUTO (holding nunchucks): You better hope so, bucko.
LINK: Oh boy.............
ONE OF GANONS CHEERLEADERS: Oh Liiiink....can I come cheer for you, hottie???
LINK: YEAH! SCORE!!!!!! I mean, no! Of course not........
LINKS CHEERLEADERS: LINK! You cheater!
ZELDA: Link is mine!!
RUTO: No, MIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!
SARIA: DITTO DITTO!
(They all start having this huge catfight...)
ONE OF GANONS CHEERLEADERS: Hey girls! Looks like fun. Can we fight with you?
ZELDA: Go right ahead.
(So now all the girls are in the catfight, and Link and Ganon are just sort of standing there)
LINK: Ganon, wanna go get a beer?
GANON: Hey, arent you under age?
GANON: Lets just watch our cheerleaders battle it out.
LINK: Twenty rupees on Malon.
Link's Future Ancestor? - by Topaz989
Could Luke Skywalker be Link's future ancestor? Let's see the simularities.....
Link- Name sounds like Luke
Luke- Name sounds like Link (WELL DUH)
Link- Impa,an old woman, sensed the Triforce in him.
Luke- Yoda,an old muppet, sensed the Force in him.
Link- Has to save Princess Zelda in his games
Luke- Has to save Princess Leia in his movies
Link- His enemy, Ganondorf, was sent to the Realm of Darkness
Luke- His enemy, Darth Vader, was sent into the darkness of space
Link- His creator Shigirio Miyamoto was declared a genius in the videogame market
Luke- His creator George Lucas was declared a genius in the film market
Link- Had to carrry Ruto on his back
Luke- Had to carry Yoda on his back
Link- Link has a shadow that symbolizes his inner darkness
Luke- Luke has a father that tried to get him to join the Dark Side
Link- Link had an uncle who get killed near the beginning of the game
Luke- Luke had an uncle who got killed near the beginning of the movie
Link- Link and Zelda, a sister-brother like relationship
Luke- Luke and Leia, a temporary sister AND brother relationship
Link- Carries around The Master Sword
Luke- Carries around The Jedi Light Saber
Link- TLOZ had a cartoon, a brief TLOZ franchise
Luke- SW had an Ewok cartoon, nearly killed the SW franchise
Link- Link has the Triforce on his hand
Luke- Uhhhh, Luke has a bionic hand (CLOSE ENOUGH!!!)
Link and Peter Pan Comparison - by Princess Ruto
Ever notice the similarities between Link and Peter Pan?