Let’s admit it girls, if you
take the time to post drawings, stories, editorials, whatever you want to call
it, on this website, you know you like that guy with the pointy green hat. I
mean seriously, what is so attractive about a guy with a green hat, tunic,
gauntlets, tights, belts, tights, weapons bag, and tights? (Yes, I said tights
three times. If you can’t tell that’s my favorite part!) I’ve heard of women
being attracted to short men, and bad boys, but never in my life have I heard
women being attracted to an elf. But seriously, I think we have a problem. In
this article, I will talk about why we are attracted to Link, why Ganon doesn’t
like Link, and what to do to stop or keep going. I hope you enjoy. (If you do
not like the introduction of this article, than please don’t feel pressured to
read the rest. This is based on opinions of a mere girl who has played Zelda
since she was three. You don’t have to go on, seriously.)
Here I will talk about our
reasons why we like Link. Now first of all, I will probably sound a bit like a
therapist, so just ignore any of that crap. Otherwise, we like Link for many
reasons. One is we like a guy who saves the world, holds the triforce of COURAGE,
beats an ugly and fat guy, and unfortunately gets the girl. -forget Zelda for the time being! Or, if you’re
like me, you like muscles, and tights! Or, you just like to see Link’s little
tush swag from side to side as he gallops on Epona. (I know some of you do!)
But those are just some typical things. Do we really like Link because
we are caught-up in Hyrule’s wonderful legends? We could also like Link because
Hyrule and its creatures are our dreams, and we basically live in that magical
and wonderful world. Or, we could like Link because we are hopeless, widows
who have nothing better to do than sit on our butts, type stories all day and
night long. Whatever one fits you is fine for me! But we all adore Link
because his attitude. I wrote a list of adjectives I would describe Link by.
Let me show you it:
List
Smart Different
Funny Elvin
Cute Athletic
Strong Manly
Courageous Loveable
(Uh, it’s Link! Sorry…) Quiet/mute
Sensitive noble
Innocent like
a best friend/big brother
Good Loyal
Not Ganondorf Coordinated
(I’m not!)
You can’t say I didn’t mention
one reason why you like Link! In my opinion-and I’ll be serious now, I like
Link because we all are looking for a knight in shining armor. But in this
world, on earth, there are no knights in shining armor. Just cell-phone
salesmen! But, because Link saved the world, we don’t realize he has no time on
his hands. So even if he did come into earth, he would still have no time for
you. Just to save the world. Hyrule and its creatures definitely mean something
to it’s fans, but Link should stay in the storybook while we return the
bookmark to the counter.
In this area, I will show you
why Ganon doesn’t like Link.
Ganon got jealous…yada…yada…Link
won! Wa…hoo…
We all know the legend, okay?
FINALLY…THE MOMENT
WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR…
WHAT TO DO…OR NOT
DO WHEN…YOU HAVE THIS…PROBLEM!
DO’S BABY!
If you like the series, but
don’t like Link and want to, try these tips:
1)
When you sleep, make sure you have a Zelda game under
your pillow.
2)
Put up posters
of Link that would surround you when you’re in the shower.
3)
Draw a mustache
on Zelda’s face 24/7!
4)
Name your pet
rock Linky poo.
5)
Don’t dye your
hair blonde, dye it green!JJJJ
6)
Get a lot of
tattoos with the triforce on it!
7)
Type a “Why are
we so attracted to Link? By: Ianavi,” article. (No, don’t do that! I mean, who
in the right mind would be that stupid? Hee…Hee…)
8)
Start a website
called North Castle. Yep, it works!
9)
Skip school,
and go to Tingle College!
10) Waste your time wondering what else you could
type to impress people that will read this once and think you’re a complete
moron!JJJJ
HOW TO STOP
If you think you are going too
overboard, then try these tips:
1)
Don’t play the Zelda games!
2)
Don’t draw any pictures that involve Link!
3)
Remove anything that reminds you of him…
4)
Go on eHarmony.com and find your match!!!!!
5)
Disconnect the computer- if you’re a writer!
6)
Go to therapy!
7)
Don’t go to GameStop with your little brother or
sister!
8)
Do not go on Northcastle.com
9)
Hate the color green…
10) Protest against
Nintendo! (okay…maybe not…)
Alright girls, I think these
tips will really help you! But honestly, I don’t think there is one explanation
for any of the conflicts I have listed above. Ganon hates Link for many reasons:
Zelda, may be secretly gay, and the Triforce! We all have our personal issues,
so if you find a groove, just go with it! Trust your instincts! And, the only
reason we like Link is because…that’s for me to know, and you to imagine!
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my little article, and will not take any of it
seriously. Please, do not go protest against Nintendo! Been there, done that….
C YA!
“May Hyrule’s faith, lie in
your hands…”
Thanx 4 reading!!!!!!
J