By Holly Janda

Author’s Note:  This is what would happen if the Zelda characters were more impulsive.




Link transformed into the wolf and prowled around the horse. He was suddenly extremely hungry.

With her animal sixth sense, the sense of danger, the well muscled, roan furred, white maned warhorse reared and stomped and then was still, but not for long. She snorted and shook her mane while pawing the ground nervously. She stretched out her neck and whinnied in terror, but it was her natural tendency not to balk in fear and run while she was afraid that kept her in place.

While the horse’s long, muscular neck was extended, Wolf Link seized his chance. He leapt at the roan horse and sank his fangs into her long neck just above the nape. As his razor sharp fangs pierced the carotid veins that were the main blood vessels to the horse’s brain, the warm lifeblood gushed into his mouth, passing over his teeth and quenching his thirst. The force of the liquid overflowed the wolf’s mouth and spilled out over his bottom jaw and onto his snowy furred chest. The metallic scent of it filled his nostrils and spiked the fever of his bloodlust and invigorated his attack.

Epona tried to shake him off, but the tossing of its head caused the wolf’s teeth to drag through the tender flesh. She was becoming weak from the loss of blood, but her adrenaline kept her heart beating. The wounds in her neck spurted liquid life each time her heart beat.

The wolf dug his claws into the horse’s shoulders and hung on, biting and ripping while it thrashed about wildly.

Before long, the horse felt the wolf’s teeth puncture her windpipe and the left lung with its back claws. She could sense the delicate air pockets in her respiratory organs slowly filling with the thick blood. Each laboured breath she took became shorter and shorter, and dense red foam had developed at the edges of her mouth as a result of the battle. Her wild attempts to shake off her killer became steadily feebler as her lungs filled. She let out one last coughing neigh as she fell heavily top the ground.

The wolf stepped back a little as the horse entered its death throes. The long legs twitched and the body shuddered, and then the gorse lay still; it was dead.

The epic struggle had left the wolf’s soft black fur wet and matted with blood, but it was left miraculously unharmed. A primal blaze glinted in its cold blue eyes.

The wolf howled in its victory and moved from the neck to the belly and then slashed its claws across the taut skin. A long gash opened up and the horse’s entrails spilled out. They glistened red in the moonlight. The wolf opened its bloody maw and began to feast.



In his fury, he had a strong desire to throw all caution to the wind and immediately go to the southern provinces and kill Ganondorf. His muscles screamed for a fight and his mind was begging for him to hurt someone. His heart began beating faster and his breathing became quick and shallow. He restlessly clenched and unclenched his fists.

From the corner of his dilated pupil, he saw Midna and Zelda throw each other a worried look, which enraged him further. Stupid bitches, Link thought furiously. You’re going to die today.

            “Link, control yourself. Getting angry isn’t going to solve anything, but I shouldn’t have to tell you that,” Zelda told him. The furious Hylian hero rounded on her.

            “Then why did you?” he demanded furiously. “That was a pretty lame choice for your last words,” Link growled. This was when he let his anger get the better of him. He threw back his gauntleted hand and belted Zelda across the face. The now injured princess crumpled instantly and narrowly missed hitting her head on the arm of the stone throne.

Midna made to intervene and to try to show Link what he’d done, but before she’d moved two paces, he fluidly drew the Master Sword and then thrust it through her gut.  He unceremoniously shoved the body off it with his foot. He scowled darkly as he got blood on his boot, and then wiped it off on the rug.

            “Tsk, tsk, tsk. Big mistake,” he said crazily. The Twiliwarriors all rushed at him with their spear points out front, but they were no match for his superior swordsmanship.

            With a deft hit, he sliced off all of the spearheads. “Let’s see you win without those!” he cackled. Like picked up each of the spearheads and threw them one by one at the Twiliwarriors. The ethereal knights grunted once as a spearhead imbedded itself in each of their soft foreheads.

            Link beheaded each of their heads and then piked them on the spear shafts and leaned them up against the pillars in the throne room. “Nice decorations,” he muttered to himself.

            Finally, Zelda staggered to her feet. She groaned in pain as she felt the massive angry red welt on her right cheek. The gash along her broken jaw wept droplets of blood. She spoke a few unintelligible words. It appeared to a now insanely evil Link to pain her immensely, which pleased him greatly.

            “So you live still? Oops, my mistake. Here, let me rectify that,” he said quietly and hit her again, but harder this time. The force of the blow sent her reeling back once more.

With an anguished cry, she fell and smacked her head off the throne.

Link walked over to her unconscious form. With tones mimicking those of DarkKnight, he said, “Now maybe you’ll stop meddling.”

With a mighty roar, Link threw back his hand that held the Master Sword (which was now pulsing in a dark light) and plunged the sword into the princess’s chest.

 Satisfied that she was finally dead, Link wiped the blood on a tapestry, spelling out the words, “darkness has triumphed.”

            “You’re right, Ganondorf,” he declared, “History is written in blood.” he whispered a few deadly curses in Ancient Hylian and then claimed the Triforce of Wisdom for his own.



            “Choose: life or death,” Zant hissed as he stood before princess Zelda in the throne room of Hyrule Castle. The only thing Zelda did as a reaction was a sharp intake of breath. What could she do? Surely she couldn’t surrender to this fiend, but what choice did she have?

His spindly fingered, shield faced, leathery black skinned Twilit Messengers were already strangling her loyal knights. Just as she was about to drop her ceremonial rapier in surrender, Zant called off the Messengers.

            “Hey, hey, chill out, man!” he said in a similar fashion to a stereotypical hippie. “Why should we fight when we can dance!” The usurper king of the Twilight Realm ripped off his lizard mask and robes, to reveal that he was wearing a pair of bright yellow board shorts, a flowery Hawaiian shirt and lei made of daisies. “Limbo!” he yelled. Two Messengers held up a bamboo cane while Zant tried to walk under it. When it caught his nose, he wrenched it out of their grip and then hurled the stick against a wall.

            “Come on, princess! Let’s party, yeah yeah!”  He screeched. Zelda stared in horror as he and the Messengers started doing the Thriller dance, complete with the deep voiceovers, eerie music, and the distinct vocals of Michael Jackson.

Surely the Twilit usurper’s insanity had to be a tactic to get the knights to drop their guard, and if it was, his ploy worked.

The living Knights of Hyrule dropped their swords and shields and clutched their bellies while their dead comrades rose up and began to dance among the Twilit Messengers.  

They fell to the carpeted floor and rolled around, engulfed in fits of gut busting laughter. A few of them recovered sooner than others and then they couldn’t help but lose themselves in the rhythm. They took their place in the zombie procession and began to dance.

            “That’s right! That’s right! And to the left! Yeah! To the right! Ah! Take it back now, y’all! One hop this time! Right foot let’s stomp! Left foot let’s stomp! Cha cha real smooth now! Ah! Come on! Get down! Ah! Come on! Get up, get up, get up, and get down! Yeah! Get on the dance floor! It’s the parties du corps, like you’ve never learned them before!” shrieked Zant, the force of his fervent dancing lighting up his already glowing orange eyes. His pale, translucent bluish-white skin was flushed with his effort. “Yeah! All on the dance floor! Dance is our only conquest! Join us, Lady of the Dancing Kingdom! Yeah!”

            “Alright, I guess, I can’t help myself! Let’s dance in heels!” Zelda yelled as she vaulted over the throne and then joined the party.




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