Script
Formation Part III: Quest for the Biggoron Sword (…………….c’mon folks
you already know me by now.)
Once
again I have to explain this stuff to you. Two Things.
Firstly.
We do not own Zelda. Those creators do coz they created her, and Link and all
the other characters.
Secondly………….Enjoy!!
On last weeks episode
of Ocarina of Time Rewrite. We saw our Heroes
conquer the dreaded (also most annoying Dungeon in Zelda history.)(Voice Echoes.) WATER TEMPLE.
(Off in the distance. Thunder Rumbles.) Anyway. They decided to head to Kakkariko Village to find
some liquor so that Navi could experience a good time (for once) Little do they
know that from now on they have to be serious about this stuff because it only
gets tougher from here on. They have two more sages to awaken then they can
enter Gannondorfs Whore house and destroy him……………and Michael Jackson. Now lets
see how they go next…………I mean what they do…………..no that’s not It, where they
go…………….That’s it start this damned episode before I top myself up again.
In the Middle of Hyrule Field
Link:
Hey Navi I just realised.
Navi:
What?
Link:
We forgot to free al those Gorons from the (Voice Echoes.) Fire Temple.
(Off in the Distance. Thunder Rumbles.) *whimper*
Navi:
Oh Crap. We must go and save them.
Link:
Yeah. But then again I really can’t be bothered walking all the way to Death Mountain
then back to Kakkariko Village.
Navi:………………………………….You
realise Sheik has been teaching us Warp songs every time we meet him.
Link:
Really? I just thought he was just giving us useless information.
Navi:
Most of it was. But the songs were actually useful. Quick play the Bolero of
Fire and we can save those Gorons.
Link:
Right. (Pulls out Ocarina and pauses.)………………………Uhhhhhhh.
How does it go again?
Navi:
What? Go to the Quest Subscreen and look there.
Link:
The what?
Navi:
Oh don’t worry it goes like this. (Tinkles
the Bolero of Fire.)
Link:
OK. (Plays the Bolero of Fire and Warps to the Death
Mountain
Crater.)
In Death Mountain
Crater.
Link:
Man. It is hot in here. (Quickly puts on his Goron Tunic.) Ahhhhh.
Much better. Now quickly into the
(Voice Echoes.) FIRE TEMPLE.
(Off in the Distance. Thunder Rumbles.)
Navi:
Yeah.
Link:
OK. (Runs off in completely the wrong direction.)
Navi:
(Yells after him.) HEY. LINK, IT IS IN HERE.
Link:
(Yells back.) I KNOW. I JUST WANT TO CHECK SOMETHING OUT.
Navi:
Fine. (Flies after him.)
In the Great Fairy
Fountain (Inside the Death Mountain
Crater.)
Link:
Oh crap it is another one of those damned Fairy Fountains.
Navi:
Yeah. Damned Prostitutes.
Link:
How many times do I have to say it Navi? They are NOT prostitutes. They are
woman how sell themselves to a man for an hour for money. Oh wait that is a
Prostitute.
Navi:
Exactly. Now lets see what this Fairy will give us.
Link:
Oh I hope it is more items.
Navi:
NO. Remember the first one we meet.
Link:
Oh yeah.
Flashback starts but then stops.
Link:
Huh. What happened?
Navi:
Oh. We have already had a flashback of what you did to the first one and the
writers cannot be bothered flashingback.
Karl
H: You go that right. Hey Link don’t worry we will kill Navi off at the end of
this rewrite.
Captain
Falcon: Yeah. Show me Your moves.
Karl
H, Link and Navi:……………………………………………………….!!!!????????
Captain
Falcon: Whoah there goes my ride. (Runs off.)
Link:
Wow. That was more disturbing when Navi sings in the shower.
Navi:
Yeah………………..Wait. What?
Karl
H: (Runs off Lol-ing.)
Link:
Anyway. (Walks up to the Triforce symbol and plays Zelda’s Lullaby.)
Great
Fairy: (Rises up laughing.)
Link:
And once again we have to endure that shrieking. If it happens once more I will
do something terrible………..
Navi:
Yeah.
Link:…………to Navi.
Navi:
Yeah……………Wait. What?
Great
Fairy: Welcome to my Spring Hero. For releasing me I will give you one wish and
ONLY one wish.
Link:
Sweet. I Wish Lucario was playable in Super Smash Bros Brawl.
Great
Fairy: (Clicks fingers.) Done.
Navi:
Link. You realise that Lucario was already playable in Super Smash Bros Brawl?
Link:
Yeah because I wished it.
Navi:
Even without the Wish Lucario is an un-lockable character.
Link:
WHAT? SO I WASTED ONE PERFECTLY GOOD WISH?
Navi:
Pretty much.
Link:
(Points to the Great Fairy.) YOU BETTER GIVE ME ONE MORE WISH
OR ELSE I WILL KILL YOU.
Great
Fairy: *whimper* Very well you have one more wish.
Link:
Sweet. I wish there was there was a sequel to The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of
Time.
Great
Fairy: (Snaps fingers.) Done.
Link:
Yeah. Navi we are going to be in another game.
Navi:
There was already a Sequel.
Link:
What? So I wasted a good wish again?
Navi:
(Nods.)
Link:
AAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
Great Fairy: *whimper*
Link: (Quickly pulls out
his sword and uses the Triforce Slash that you see in Super Smash Bros Brawl.
Except it doesn’t send her flying away and she loses a life once he is finished
with it. It actually cuts her up into a million pieces and she LOSES her
life.)…………….. (Finishes and is breathing deeply.)
Navi: Maybe we should go
now?
Link: FINE. (Sheathes
his sword and walks out.)
Back in the Death Mountain
Crater.
Link: (Calmed down.) Hey
maybe we should go over and up the ladder and see what is up there?
Navi: Yeah. OK there
maybe something useful up there. No wait a minute its
the Summit of Death Mountain.
Link: Sweet. There is
that Biggorn up there who is really nice and is an anger management therapist.
He may help me out in this situation.
Navi: That would
certainly help.
Link: Shut up.
Later on the Death
Mountain Summit.
Link: Hey Biggoron I
need your help.
Biggoron: (Rises up and
is continuously rubbing his eyes.) Hellooooooooo
Brooooooootheeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Link: Are you OK?
Biggoron:
Yesterrrrrrrrrrrrrrdaysssssssssssss eruptionnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn hurrrrttttttttttttt
myyyyyyyy eyeeeesssssssssssss reallllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy badddddd. I ammmm asssssssssssssss blindddddddddddddd asssssssss a
baaaaaatttttttttttttt.
Link: Awww poor you.
Sorry about that mate is there anything I can do to help?
Biggoron: Welllllllllll
youuuuuuu coulllld goo seeeeeeeeee Kinggg Zoraaaaaaaaa. Heeeeeeeee
hasssss gooooooooodddddddd eyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee dropssssssssssssssssss.
Iffffffffff youuuuuuuuuu didddddddd thattttttttttt
thennnnnnnnnnnnnn IIIIIIIIIIIIII wouldddddddddd giveeeeeeeeeee youuuuuuuuuu
oooonnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee oofffffffffffffff my
Swordssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss thatttttttttttt isssssssssss
muchhhhhhhhhhhhh moreeeeee strongerrrrr thennnnnn yourrrrr
Masssssssssssssssteeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrr Swwwooorrrrrrdddddddddd.
Link: Really? (Suddenly
realises.) So you have lots of those in your workshop ready for you to give
out?
Biggoron:
Yesssssssssssssssssssss
Link: And say if someone
ran into your workshop and took one you couldn’t see them and you wouldn’t know
if someone took one.
Biggoron:
Yessssssssssss.
Link: (Quickly whispers
to Navi.) Quick while he is blinded we can sneak into his workshop and steal
one of those swords.
Navi: Good Idea. But I
feel bad doing it.
Link: Just think of it
as borrowing. Not Stealing and you will feel much better.
Navi: OK.
Link: Great. Now
distract him and I will sneak in and grab one. (To Biggoron.)
I am just going to see the Great Fairy and heal myself OK. Navi is here to keep
you company while I am in there.
Biggoron: OOKKKKKKKKKKK.
30
Minutes Later.
Link: (Holding the
Biggoron Sword.) Ain’t I a Genius?
Navi: Must I answer.
Link: Yes.
Navi: Well for this you
were but at most other time you aren’t.
Link: I’ll take that.
Now we will walk down to the Kakkariko Village
and do the (Voice Echoes.) SHADOW TEMPLE.
(Off in the Distance. Thunder Rumbles.)
Navi: Yeah.
Link: But first I need
to talk to Saria. She may have some advice. (Pulls out
Ocarina and Plays Serenade of Water by accident and Warps to the Lake.)
At
Lake
Hylia
Link: DAMMIT.
Navi: Well. Lets start walking.
Link: *groan.*
Navi: Wait. We forgot to
save the Gorons.
Link: Screw them. They
are probably dead already. C’mon let us just go to Kakkariko Village and get you
drunk.
End
of Part III – To be concluded in Part IV………………….I hope.