Author's note: This is the very first story Link_fan and I made together. It's about Link and Zelda's wedding cruise. And after this - keep a look out for the sequel!
Zelda and Link are on a cruise for their wedding week. Let's see how they are doing...
*Zelda and Link are on the balcony staring out into the water and Link disturbs the silence.*
Link: Uh... Zelda?
Link: No offense, but... How is this romantic?
Zelda: *Slaps her forehead* Oy... Remind me again, why in Termia Bay are we getting married?
Link: Cause we love each other? *thinking* Oh, I hope I chose my words correctly.
Zelda: *reading his mind* I'm just proud you knew enough words to make a sentence for me.
Link: *Head is steaming* Hey, hey...
Zelda: ...Is for horses.
Link: grrrrrrrrr. * head is smoking*
Zelda: Did you over do the halipinio peppers again?
Link: No...I'm going down to the bar...
Zelda: In 1 more year maybe. You're not old enough to drink alcoholic beverages until you're 21.
Link: Who said that? I was going to get a fizzy drink. Also known as... COKE!
Zelda: *Looks like she is going to slap him to death, but just sighs* Okay, but be back in an hour.
Link: K... *and struts out the door*
*At the bar*
Link: I'll have a coke, please.
Bartender: You've got to be joking! You are a grown man and you want soda????
Link: *thinking of how Zelda treated him* You're right. Bring on the beer!!!!
* Back at the suite*
Zelda: *pacing and wearing a groove in the floor* Where could he be? I'll just call room service for a shrimp cocktail. *dials room service* Uh, yes, hello. I'd like a shrimp cocktail delivered to room 51423... Uhuh... yeah... Oh and a Diet Dr. Thunder. Alrighty, thanks, bye. *hangs up* Now for a little relaxing music. *switches on the radio* Ahhh. *Looks at the clock* WHERE IN THE BLAZES IS HE!?!?!?!?!?!
*Back at the bar*
Large crowd: *at Link* GO GO GO! CHUG CHUG CHUG! etc.
Bartender: It's a new cruise record!
Link: *totally drunk* Tank yo, tank yo ery mush! *takes a huge trophy shaped like a beer mug overflowing with fizz*
Bartender: Now you might want to sleep all that off.
Somebody in the crowd: AWW! Come on! More!
Crowd: *chanting* MORE MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Otay otay pepol. *keeps on drinking the whole night*
*back at the suite, there are 10 empty shrimp cocktail glasses and 13 empty cans of Diet Dr. Thunder*
Zelda: Ooh. *clenching her stomach* I think I over did it a bit. *her hands are trembling uncontrollably from all the caffeine. Link comes in the door drenched in beer, and hiccupping bubbles everywhere.*
Link: hic... Hi,...hic Zorro...hic
Zelda: *about to explode* WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!?! IT IS 3 IN THE MORNING!!!!!
Link: *obviously drunk* Prancing with the unicorns in the valley!
Zelda: There is no land for miles! Are you drunk?
Zelda: Oy! Link! How could you do this!?!
Link: Easy! I jusst wok up to boar and say “Bring on ze beer!"
Zelda: Get into bed right now! You are going to sleep that off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: You're not ze boss of mwa!!!!!
Link: Otay otay, but first just one thing.
Zelda: What? *waits for a good explanation*
Link: The evil female dog says "what".
Zelda: *gets it* HEY!!! WHY YOU LITTLE...
Link: I'm only 2 centimeters shorter than ya! Don't call mwa little.
Zelda: THAT'S IT!!!!!!!! OUT!!! NOW!!!!!
Link: *alcohol wears off* But...
Link: Would you just...
Link: Please just....
Zelda: *makes a huge mass of water float up from the ocean to splash him* grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Link: Okay okay okay! *walks out the door, then muttering* To the pool! good thing I got trunks under these!
Zelda: I need to load off. TO THE POOL! *changes and walks out the door*
*at the pool*
Link: CANNONBAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!!!!!!!! *makes a cannonball into the water splashing water everywhere*
Jesse (newly met friend-Hylian): I give it a 9.5!
Link: Where's the other 0.5, dude?
Jesse: Right here! *jumps in and tries to top Link's cannonball.*
*After a few more times, they get out and stretch out on some pool chairs. In a while, they are surrounded by girls*
Link: *waking up* Am...am I in heaven? *sees Zelda* Oh, wait, I must have headed in the wrong direction!!
Link: Oh sugar-honey-ice-tea!!!!!!!
Jesse: Who's that hottie?
Link: My fiancé. *covers mouth*
Link: You want her? Take her! PLEASE! *still running around the deck, panicking*
Jesse: Not right now I won't!!!!
Link: I hate you...
Jesse: Guess what?
Jesse: SO DO I!!!!!
Link: Wait a sec... I'm being chased by a girl?????
Jesse: Uh, yeah, dude. Better get used to it.
Link: How come it doesn't bother you?
Jesse: I'm being chased by someone of the same gender... wait, that didn't come out right. I mean, gals are slow, and tire easily.
Link: Well, then you are highly mistaken about this one! Zelda: *finally catches both of them and looks at Jesse* Hey! I don't need you! *throws him into the pool* Now you! *turns back to Link*
Link: Now...Now Zelda...You have a reputation at stake! Especially since you're the future queen... *covers mouth*
Girl on side of pool: Zelda? The Princess Zelda?
Zelda: *muttering to Link* You are soooooo dead!
Girl: HEY EVERYBODY! PRINCESS ZELDA IS ON THIS CRUISE!!!!
Crowd: Woa! Cool! Neat! etc. *start crowding around her taking pictures. Zelda drops Link and he crawls out of crowd.*
Some employee of magazine: Wait till the editor hears about this and see these pictures! *whistles*
*crowd finally spreads back out, satisfied with their pictures and stuff. Zelda is sitting in a straddled position with her hair totally messed up*
Link: *terrified* yes....
Zelda: You'd better hope and pray there was no film in those cameras!
*back at the suite, Link and Zelda are watching the news on tv*
Announcer: Princess Zelda, heir to the throne of Hyrule, was spotted on the cruise, Majesty. Here are some pictures that our cameraman got.
Link: *feels like he's going to die* help....
Zelda: You'd better pray that they're too blurry!
*tv shows pictures of Zelda in a bikini struggling to get free*
Link: *trying to change subject slightly* Did I ever mention how great you look in a bikini.....?
Zelda: *gripping the bed sheets, burning them to ashes* NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link: Uh-oh... *muttering w/ a puzzled expression* Thanks a lot, God! I'M OUTTA HERE!!!! *runs into door and it opens*
Ganandorf: I heard everything and I must say, Link, I agree with you.
Link: Leave it to you to ruin our... what comes before a wedding and a honeymoon?
Zelda: O.M.G. Link. Oh, I've got one for you. The meathead says "What?"
Zelda: Revenge! MWAHAHAHA!
Gan.: If you're going to be evil, you really need to work on it.
Now, I think I'll just...
Link: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? OVER MY DEAD BODY, GANANDORK!!!!!
Gan.: Would you stop calling me that already?
Link: No. GANANDORK GANANDORK GANANDORK GANANDORK GANANDORK GANANDORK GANANDORK
*they get in a fight like five year olds until Zelda buts in*
Zelda: WOULD YOU TWO ACT YOUR AGE INSTEAD OF YOUR SHOE SIZE??
Link: *pointing to Gan.* He's beyond hope in that department.
Gan.: Did you just call me immature?
Link: Better believe it, GANANDORK!!!
Gan.: ALRIGHT!!!! THAT'S IT!!!!!
Link: Hey, this is fun! *smiling at Zelda*
Zelda: Oy... *slaps her forehead*
Gan. Oh nevermind! I think I'll just skip to the part where I say "That can be arranged!"
Link: You missed your cue, dude! We're beyond that.
Gan.: This is not a school play!
Link: No, it's a script written by two girls who don't know what else to do!
Link: En garde!
*they both start sword fighting and eventually Zelda cuts in again*
Zelda: *pushes Link aside* allow me to... *blasts Gan. out of the ship and out of sight. She makes her hand look like a gun and blows at her fingertip*
Link: Show off!
Zelda: Hey! I've saved your butt on a regular basis, dude! Don't be making fun of me.
Link: Hey it's pretty late...*realizes something* Oh.. no... the sleeping bag!
Zelda: Oh, yeah! *stuffs him in a very tight sleeping bag and crawls into the bed leaving Link on the floor*
Link: Oof! Oy... Night
Zelda: *getting into bed* Night! Next week's the big week!
*next day, Zelda and Link are making plans for the wedding and everything*
Link: *when he sees the guest list* Aw, man! Do we have to invite my older brother?
Zelda: Yes, why?
Link: I hate him, I hate him...
Zelda: Would you cut out the homona thing???
Link: Not Homona...I hate him!!!!
Zelda: Why do you hate him?
Link: First, his name is Marth.
Zelda: What's so bad about that?
Link: It rhymes with darth. As in, Darth Vader!
Zelda: Who's that?
Link: You don't watch enough TV. And, FYI, weirdo, he's evil! Like, you last night!
Zelda: Why do you hate him so much...Hey!!!
Link: I'm not answering anymore questions, Dr. Phil!!!!
Link: Like I said, NOT ENOUGH TV RUINS YOUR MIND!
Zelda: *sarcastically* I actually feel my brain turning into goo.
Link: See what I mean?!?! This calls for a really long Star Wars movie...the third one. *W/ an accent. Pauses and starts again) The one with all the violence, action, and gross stuff!!!!
Zelda: Why's it gross?
*2 1/2 hours later.*
Zelda: I don't feel so good.
Link: We’re getting married. Get used to the idea of it, or we're never having kids.
Zelda: * sarcastically* Great. Just what we need. Mini Links running around everywhere.
Link: Better than mini you's.
Zelda: Shut up before you go any farther. I don't really want you to give me "The talk" in front of all these people - Believe me, once is enough.
Link: Whatever! *roles his eyes* Wait! *smiles triumphantly* If we're way out here in the ocean, then Marth, and everyone else, and Marth can't get here! MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
Zelda: No problem!
Zelda: I have a teleportation sequence planned for them all, so they should be arriving right about now!
*the split second she says that a bright light flashes in the dinning room and a young man appears from the light*
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! It's Marth Vader!!!!!!!
Marth: That's no way to greet... *looks at Zelda* woa!
Link: *walks up to him and whispers* Sorry dude! She's taken!
Marth: BY WHO!?!
Link: *smiles and points to himself* The one and only!
Link: You'd better believe it!
Marth: *laughs uncontrollably* You? Now tell the truth! Who's the real person you're getting married to?
Zelda: *walks up to him* That real person is me!
Marth: Homana homana homana!
Link: Sorry Zelda. That homana thing runs in the family.
Marth: But I didn't get it as bad. Now if you exuse me, I'd like to have a word with my DEAR brother! *drags link to the next room* You can't be serious!
Link: Do I look like I'm kidding? *has a silly look on his face*
Marth: I still can't believe you got her! If you looked her up in the dictionary it would say 'extreme steam'!
Link: *astonished* Okay! Please do not give a definition to Zelda... *covers mouth*
Marth: *jaw dropped to chest*.......
Link: Oh me and my big mouth!
Marth: Okay... I knew Zelda was on this cruise, and believe me, that was the only reason I was coming, but I didn't know you were getting married to her! I mean I rule a country right now! I'm a prince and I don't even have a girlfriend! Did you put something in her food?
Link: NO! Well, the world is running out of girls, you'd better hur... Wait... You're a prince???
Link: Okay, let's make a long story short, you're a prince, and I get the girl. We're both happy! End of story! *walks back to Zelda*
Marth: I'll get you!
Link: In your dreams!
Zelda: Now I know why you THINK he's evil.
Link: Correction, he's an evil prince! Why in Hyrule did you have to invite him? He called you extreme steam!!!!
Zelda: Do we have a sleeping bag for him... HE CALLED ME WHAT?!?!?
Link: I'm going to personally buy one for him! I will get him a room in the boiler room for all I care; I am keeping him away from you!
Zelda: Good boy!
*Zelda and Link are at the wedding chapel-like place*
Zelda: Now do your parents know about this? *turns to decorator* Oh... A little to the left.
Link: What parents? *to the floweriest* I think we need some more daisies.
Zelda: Sorry... WOW!!! This place is coming up fast!
Link: It sure is. *puts arm around Zelda and looks at the setting*
Marth: *comes through the door* That is so sweet, it makes me want to PUKE!!!!!!!!!!
Link: *takes arm off Zelda and turns around* Leave it to the Marthanater to ruin a romantic moment!
Marth: Great another nickname for me!
Link: Don't you have anything better to do, Count Marthula?
Marth: No. I've already had a friendly sword fight with every guy on the ship, and I won every one!
Link: You haven't fought me!
Marth: I've beaten you plenty of times!
Link: I've gotten better!
Zelda: *slaps her forehead and mutters* I'm starting to agree with Link about inviting Marth.
Marth: I heard that!
Link: Leave Zelda out of this, Marthicus!
Marth: Stop calling me names!!!
Link: No, Martha!
Link: *smiles back at Zelda* This is more fun then making fun of Ganandork!
Link: You've never heard of Ganandorf? Well we call him Ganandork.
Marth: Never heard of him.
Link: You have got to get out more!
Marth: Well, who is he?
Zelda: The most evil villain in the world!
Link: No, he's *points to Marth* the evilest villain in the world!
Zelda: I'm going to the pool for a while. Bye! *walks away*
Marth: I think I'll join...
Link: OVER MY DEAD BODY, MARTH VADAR!!!!!!!!!!! *runs after Zelda* I think I'll come with you!
*At the pool*
Zelda: Link! Check this out! They put a huge diving board at the pool!
Link: *looks up* Wow! That's high!
Zelda: I've dove off of higher things!
Link: No way!
Zelda: You wanna bet?
Link: 10 red rupees!
Zelda: DONE!!!!! *with a confident smile*
Link: I think I just dug my own grave, financial wise!
Zelda: You sure did! *climbs up to the top of the diving board!
Announcer: We have another crazy person about to take the diving board challenge!
Link and Zelda: HUH!?!?
Announcer: That's right! That girl just might get free dinner for the rest of the cruise if she can nail... drum role. *drum role starts* A quintuple-back flip with 5 aerials and a dive with no splash!
Link and Zelda: SHUGAR-HONEY-ICE-TEA!!!!!!!
Announcer: On your mark, get set, and GO!!! *gun shot*
*Zelda does the move and dives in*
Announcer: IT'S A NEW RECOOOOOOOOOOOORD!!!!!!
*The song "Get ready 4 this" starts playing and everybody cheers*
Announcer: *walks to the side of the pool with his mic* Why don't you tell us your name and what you have been doing on this cruise!
Announcer: *in a cheesy voice* Don’t make me shake it out of you!
Announcer: I think it's time for... TRUTH SERUM!!!!
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAY! WOOOOOHOOO! Truth serum! Etc.
*the announcer pulls her out of the pool and feeds her some sort of syrup*
Zelda: *with a very weird expression on her face* I'm Princess Zelda... I came here with me fiancé, Link, and I'm getting married tomorrow!
Announcer and crowd: *astonished* Whoa! I can't believe it! Etc.
Zelda: I can't believe this is happening! *dashes to her room on the other side of the boat*
Link: Oh man!
Girl: Hey look everyone! It's Link! The hero of Hyrule!
*back at the suite*
Zelda: *crying* I can't believe this!
Link: *comes through the door in the worst state* You okay?
Zelda: All I wanted was a nice private wedding, but all I got were dumb fans and news cameramen following me around!
Link: Hey... *puts his arm around her* Properties aren't going to change what we're all about! Now give me a smile!
Zelda: *smiles a little* Is this okay?
Link: *shrugs sarcastically* Eh, it's okay.
Zelda: *starts laughing*
Link: Much better!
Zelda: *leans her head on his shoulder* I love you, Link!
Link: Ditto. *gives her shoulder a squeeze*
Zelda: *almost hyperventilating* OMYGOSH! This is it! I'm getting married today!
Link: Do I really have to wear this tux?
Link: Oh man!
Zelda: You don't get it near as bad! I have to drag around this 10 pound wedding dress. It's going to be hard to dance in this thing! *picks up a bunch of her dress as it trips a butler with a tray* Oops...
Link: I just hope the whole cruise doesn't show up for the wedding.
Zelda: No you don't. You wish Marth wouldn't show up for the wedding!
Link: How... Oh yeah, mind reading powers. Man I wish you'd stop doing that.
Zelda: I won't let my future husband keep secrets from me!
Zelda: Just think, this is the last hour that both of us will be single.
Link: What about the long dragging speech about marriage from the preacher?
Zelda: Oh yeah, I forgot.
Link: How can you forget things? You remember things that I think!
Zelda: Watch it.
Link: *stares past Zelda*
Zelda: Hello? *waves hand in front of his face*
Link: *sarcastically* Great!
Marth: A hello would be nice, little brother!
Link: Your little brother's name is Link, and I'm only 3 years, 6 months, 11 days, 59 minutes, and 3 seconds younger...2 seconds...1...0...59...58...
Marth: I get it!
Link: You're just jealous.
Marth: Of what?
Link: *singing* I have the girl!
Zelda: Ahem. *clears throat*
Link: *makes a save* Even thought girls should have equal rights and are not prizes to be won.
Zelda: Thank you!
Link: Anyway...Wow, you actually showed up!
Marth: I don't want to miss my brother's wedding!
Link: *staring at him in fake suspicion* Who are you and what have you done with my brother???
Marth: *sarcasm* Har har har.
Link: Well, nice suit.
Zelda: *walks up to Link in fake suspicion* Who are you and what have you done with my fiancé???
Zelda: You actually complemented Marth.
Link: I owed him some niceness after he showed up.
Zelda: A kindness trade-off. Interesting. Can't you two just be nice to each other naturaly?
Link and Marth: *look at each other and then at Zelda* No.
Zelda: You really are hopeless.
Marth: Maybe him but not me!
Marth: Is for horses. *smiles tauntingly*
Zelda: If you two would act your age instead of your shoe size, I'd like to get back to the fact that I have a wedding in a few minutes.
Marth: K... See ya, lucky Link!
Link: What's that suposed to mean?
Marth: What that was a complament!
Link: No it wasn't! You never give me a complament!
Marth: I was just saying that you were very lucky, or you put something in her food to get Zelda! *walks away*
Link: *turns back to Zelda* Now you truly see why I hate him I hate him!
Zelda: At least he's here temporarily.
Link: Yeah. Well, are you ready?
Zelda: Was never any more ready.
Link: Okay, see you at the altar.
Zelda and Link: Good luck.
*at the altar there is a long speech from the preacher about love that drones on for an hour*
Zelda: Duh, yeah!
Link: I totaly do!
Preacher: Alright you're married! Go ahead! Kiss her!
Link: *kisses Zelda and they both run back down the isle*
*after the wedding*
Link: PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *walks to the refreashments*
Zelda: Oh yeah!
Jesse: Congrats. I'm glad I didn't catch you in a bad mood.
Link: Zelda?*taps Zelda on the soulder*
Zelda: Ye... *Link smashes a piece of cake in her face*
Zelda: *smashes some in his face* FOOD FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!
*food starts flying everywhere and everyone is running like crazy*
Link: Exuse me for a sec, Zelda. *walks toward Marth*
Marth: Why hello.
Link: Hello, Marthen a la king! *smashes a huge chicken in his face*
Marth: That's it! *chases after Link with a handful of pudding*
Link: Uh-oh.... RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zelda: You could become an olympic runner if you keep being chased like that!
Link: Oh I'm not running away!
Zelda: Then what are you doing?
Link: Running after you!
Link: *throws a handful of pudding at Zelda* Take that!
Zelda: *does the Matrix dodge* Can't catch me!
Link: Hey, we haven't done the flower thing!
Zelda: Okay. *throws her bouquet into the air and all the girls try to catch it*
Marth: *catches it and face turns red* Oh dear.
Link: What's the difference between him and all the other girls?
Marth: Why you little...
Link: I'm not little. I'm only 3 cenimeters shorter than ya. Don't call mwa little.
Zelda: Are you drunk again?
Marth: What about her garter?
Zelda: Oh crud.
Link: *takes her garter off and tosses it in the air and Jesse catches it*
Zelda: What a lovely couple!
Jesse: Oh shut up!
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