Cruise Klutz

By Zelda_girl and Link_fan

Author's note: This is the very first story Link_fan and I made together. It's about Link and Zelda's wedding cruise. And after this - keep a look out for the sequel!

Zelda and Link are on a cruise for their wedding week. Let's see how they are doing...

*Zelda and Link are on the balcony staring out into the water and Link disturbs the silence.*

Link: Uh... Zelda?

Zelda: Yes?

Link: No offense, but... How is this romantic?

Zelda: *Slaps her forehead* Oy... Remind me again, why in Termia Bay are we getting married?

Link: Cause we love each other? *thinking* Oh, I hope I chose my words correctly.

Zelda: *reading his mind* I'm just proud you knew enough words to make a sentence for me.

Link: *Head is steaming* Hey, hey...

Zelda: ...Is for horses.

Link: grrrrrrrrr. * head is smoking*

Zelda: Did you over do the halipinio peppers again?

Link: No...I'm going down to the bar...

Zelda: In 1 more year maybe.  You're not old enough to drink alcoholic beverages until you're 21.

Link: Who said that? I was going to get a fizzy drink. Also known as... COKE!

Zelda: *Looks like she is going to slap him to death, but just sighs* Okay, but be back in an hour.

Link: K... *and struts out the door*

*At the bar*

Link: I'll have a coke, please.

Bartender: You've got to be joking! You are a grown man and you want soda????

Link: *thinking of how Zelda treated him* You're right. Bring on the beer!!!!

* Back at the suite*

Zelda: *pacing and wearing a groove in the floor* Where could he be? I'll just call room service for a shrimp cocktail. *dials room service* Uh, yes, hello.  I'd like a shrimp cocktail delivered to room 51423... Uhuh... yeah... Oh and a Diet Dr. Thunder. Alrighty, thanks, bye. *hangs up* Now for a little relaxing music. *switches on the radio*  Ahhh. *Looks at the clock* WHERE IN THE BLAZES IS HE!?!?!?!?!?!

*Back at the bar*

Large crowd: *at Link* GO GO GO! CHUG CHUG CHUG! etc.

Bartender: It's a new cruise record!


Link: *totally drunk* Tank yo, tank yo ery mush! *takes a huge trophy shaped like a beer mug overflowing with fizz*

Bartender: Now you might want to sleep all that off.

Somebody in the crowd: AWW! Come on! More!

Crowd: *chanting* MORE MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: Otay otay pepol. *keeps on drinking the whole night*

*back at the suite, there are 10 empty shrimp cocktail glasses and 13 empty cans of Diet Dr. Thunder*

Zelda: Ooh. *clenching her stomach* I think I over did it a bit. *her hands are trembling uncontrollably from all the caffeine. Link comes in the door drenched in beer, and hiccupping bubbles everywhere.*

Link: hic... Hi,...hic Zorro...hic

Zelda: *about to explode* WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!?! IT IS 3 IN THE MORNING!!!!!

Link: *obviously drunk* Prancing with the unicorns in the valley!

Zelda: There is no land for miles!  Are you drunk?

Link: Apparently!

Zelda: Oy!  Link! How could you do this!?!

Link: Easy! I jusst wok up to boar and say “Bring on ze beer!"

Zelda: Get into bed right now!  You are going to sleep that off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: You're not ze boss of mwa!!!!!

Zelda: NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: Otay otay, but first just one thing.

Zelda: What? *waits for a good explanation*

Link: The evil female dog says "what".

Zelda: What?

Link: hahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zelda: *gets it* HEY!!! WHY YOU LITTLE...

Link: I'm only 2 centimeters shorter than ya! Don't call mwa little.

Zelda: THAT'S IT!!!!!!!! OUT!!! NOW!!!!!

Link: *alcohol wears off* But...

Zelda: NOW!!!!

Link: Would you just...

Zelda: NOW!!!

Link: Please just....

Zelda: NOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: But....

Zelda: *makes a huge mass of water float up from the ocean to splash him* grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Link: Okay okay okay! *walks out the door, then muttering* To the pool! good thing I got trunks under these!

Zelda: I need to load off. TO THE POOL! *changes and walks out the door*

*at the pool*

Link: CANNONBAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!!!!!!!! *makes a cannonball into the water splashing water everywhere*

Jesse (newly met friend-Hylian): I give it a 9.5!

Link: Where's the other 0.5, dude?

Jesse: Right here! *jumps in and tries to top Link's cannonball.*

*After a few more times, they get out and stretch out on some pool chairs. In a while, they are surrounded by girls*

Link: *waking up* I in heaven? *sees Zelda* Oh, wait, I must have headed in the wrong direction!!

Zelda: grrrrrrrr.....


Zelda: LIIIIIIIIIINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: Oh sugar-honey-ice-tea!!!!!!!

Jesse: Who's that hottie?

Link: My fiancé. *covers mouth*

Jesse: Lucky!

Link: You want her? Take her! PLEASE! *still running around the deck, panicking*

Jesse: Not right now I won't!!!!

Link: I hate you...

Jesse: Guess what?

Link: What?

Jesse: SO DO I!!!!!

Link: Wait a sec... I'm being chased by a girl?????

Jesse: Uh, yeah, dude. Better get used to it.

Link: How come it doesn't bother you?

Jesse: I'm being chased by someone of the same gender... wait, that didn't come out right. I mean, gals are slow, and tire easily.

Link: Well, then you are highly mistaken about this one! Zelda: *finally catches both of them and looks at Jesse* Hey! I don't need you! *throws him into the pool* Now you! *turns back to Link*

Link: Now...Now Zelda...You have a reputation at stake!  Especially since you're the future queen... *covers mouth*

Girl on side of pool: Zelda?  The Princess Zelda?

Zelda: *muttering to Link* You are soooooo dead!


Crowd: Woa! Cool! Neat! etc. *start crowding around her taking pictures.  Zelda drops Link and he crawls out of crowd.*

Some employee of magazine:  Wait till the editor hears about this and see these pictures! *whistles*

*crowd finally spreads back out, satisfied with their pictures and stuff.  Zelda is sitting in a straddled position with her hair totally messed up*

Zelda: LINK!?!?!?

Link: *terrified* yes....

Zelda: You'd better hope and pray there was no film in those cameras!

Link: Uh-oh...

*back at the suite, Link and Zelda are watching the news on tv*

Announcer: Princess Zelda, heir to the throne of Hyrule, was spotted on the cruise, Majesty.  Here are some pictures that our cameraman got.

Link: *feels like he's going to die* help....

Zelda: You'd better pray that they're too blurry!

*tv shows pictures of Zelda in a bikini struggling to get free*

Link: *trying to change subject slightly* Did I ever mention how great you look in a bikini.....?

Zelda: *gripping the bed sheets, burning them to ashes* NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link: Uh-oh... *muttering w/ a puzzled expression* Thanks a lot, God! I'M OUTTA HERE!!!! *runs into door and it opens*

Ganandorf: I heard everything and I must say, Link, I agree with you.

Link: Leave it to you to ruin our... what comes before a wedding and a honeymoon?

Zelda: O.M.G. Link. Oh, I've got one for you. The meathead says "What?"

Link: What?

Zelda: Revenge! MWAHAHAHA!

Gan.: If you're going to be evil, you really need to work on it.

Now, I think I'll just...


Gan.: Would you stop calling me that already?


Gan.: AUGH!!!!

*they get in a fight like five year olds until Zelda buts in*


Link: *pointing to Gan.* He's beyond hope in that department.

Gan.: Did you just call me immature?

Link: Better believe it, GANANDORK!!!

Gan.: ALRIGHT!!!! THAT'S IT!!!!!



Link: Hey, this is fun! *smiling at Zelda*

Zelda: Oy... *slaps her forehead*

Gan. Oh nevermind! I think I'll just skip to the part where I say "That can be arranged!"

Link: You missed your cue, dude!  We're beyond that.

Gan.: This is not a school play!

Link: No, it's a script written by two girls who don't know what else to do!

Gan.: Huh?

Link: En garde!

*they both start sword fighting and eventually Zelda cuts in again*

Zelda: *pushes Link aside* allow me to... *blasts Gan. out of the ship and out of sight. She makes her hand look like a gun and blows at her fingertip*

Link: Show off!

Zelda: Hey! I've saved your butt on a regular basis, dude!  Don't be making fun of me.

Link: Hey it's pretty late...*realizes something* Oh.. no... the sleeping bag!

Zelda: Oh, yeah! *stuffs him in a very tight sleeping bag and crawls into the bed leaving Link on the floor*

Link: Oof! Oy... Night

Zelda: *getting into bed* Night!  Next week's the big week!

*next day, Zelda and Link are making plans for the wedding and everything*

Link: *when he sees the guest list* Aw, man! Do we have to invite my older brother?

Zelda: Yes, why?

Link: I hate him, I hate him...

Zelda: Would you cut out the homona thing???

Link: Not Homona...I hate him!!!!

Zelda: Why do you hate him?

Link: First, his name is Marth.

Zelda: What's so bad about that?

Link: It rhymes with darth. As in, Darth Vader!

Zelda: Who's that?

Link: You don't watch enough TV. And, FYI, weirdo, he's evil! Like, you last night!

Zelda: Why do you hate him so much...Hey!!!

Link: I'm not answering anymore questions, Dr. Phil!!!!

Zelda: HUH?


Zelda: *sarcastically* I actually feel my brain turning into goo.

Link: See what I mean?!?! This calls for a really long Star Wars movie...the third one. *W/ an accent.  Pauses and starts again) The one with all the violence, action, and gross stuff!!!!

Zelda: Why's it gross?

*2 1/2  hours later.*

Zelda: I don't feel so good.

Link: We’re getting married. Get used to the idea of it, or we're never having kids.

Zelda: * sarcastically* Great. Just what we need. Mini Links running around everywhere. 

Link: Better than mini you's.

Zelda: Shut up before you go any farther. I don't really want you to give me "The talk" in front of all these people - Believe me, once is enough. 

Link: Whatever! *roles his eyes* Wait! *smiles triumphantly* If we're way out here in the ocean, then Marth, and everyone else, and Marth can't get here!  MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

Zelda: No problem!

Link: Heh?

Zelda: I have a teleportation sequence planned for them all, so they should be arriving right about now!

*the split second she says that a bright light flashes in the dinning room and a young man appears from the light*

Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! It's Marth Vader!!!!!!!

Marth: That's no way to greet... *looks at Zelda* woa!

Link: *walks up to him and whispers* Sorry dude! She's taken!

Marth: BY WHO!?!

Link: *smiles and points to himself* The one and only!

Marth: Seriously?

Link: You'd better believe it!

Marth: *laughs uncontrollably* You? Now tell the truth! Who's the real person you're getting married to?

Zelda: *walks up to him* That real person is me!

Marth: Homana homana homana!

Link: Sorry Zelda. That homana thing runs in the family.

Marth: But I didn't get it as bad. Now if you exuse me, I'd like to have a word with my DEAR brother! *drags link to the next room* You can't be serious!

Link: Do I look like I'm kidding? *has a silly look on his face*

Marth: I still can't believe you got her! If you looked her up in the dictionary it would say 'extreme steam'!

Link: *astonished* Okay! Please do not give a definition to Zelda... *covers mouth*

Marth: *jaw dropped to chest*.......

Link: Oh me and my big mouth!

Marth: Okay... I knew Zelda was on this cruise, and believe me, that was the only reason I was coming, but I didn't know you were getting married to her! I mean I rule a country right now! I'm a prince and I don't even have a girlfriend! Did you put something in her food?

Link: NO! Well, the world is running out of girls, you'd better hur... Wait... You're a prince???

Marth: Yup!

Link: Okay, let's make a long story short, you're a prince, and I get the girl. We're both happy! End of story! *walks back to Zelda*

Marth: I'll get you!

Link: In your dreams!

Zelda: Now I know why you THINK he's evil.

Link: Correction, he's an evil prince! Why in Hyrule did you have to invite him? He called you extreme steam!!!!

Zelda: Do we have a sleeping bag for him... HE CALLED ME WHAT?!?!?

Link: I'm going to personally buy one for him!  I will get him a room in the boiler room for all I care; I am keeping him away from you!

Zelda: Good boy!

*Zelda and Link are at the wedding chapel-like place*

Zelda: Now do your parents know about this? *turns to decorator* Oh... A little to the left.

Link: What parents? *to the floweriest* I think we need some more daisies.

Zelda: Sorry... WOW!!! This place is coming up fast!

Link: It sure is. *puts arm around Zelda and looks at the setting*

Marth: *comes through the door* That is so sweet, it makes me want to PUKE!!!!!!!!!!

Link: *takes arm off Zelda and turns around* Leave it to the Marthanater to ruin a romantic moment!

Marth: Great another nickname for me!

Link: Don't you have anything better to do, Count Marthula?

Marth: No. I've already had a friendly sword fight with every guy on the ship, and I won every one!

Link: You haven't fought me!

Marth: I've beaten you plenty of times!

Link: I've gotten better!

Zelda: *slaps her forehead and mutters* I'm starting to agree with Link about inviting Marth.

Marth: I heard that!

Link: Leave Zelda out of this, Marthicus!

Marth: Stop calling me names!!!

Link: No, Martha!

Marth: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Link: *smiles back at Zelda* This is more fun then making fun of Ganandork!

Marth: Who?

Link: You've never heard of Ganandorf? Well we call him Ganandork.

Marth: Never heard of him.

Link: You have got to get out more!

Marth: Well, who is he?

Zelda: The most evil villain in the world!

Link: No, he's *points to Marth* the evilest villain in the world!

Zelda: I'm going to the pool for a while. Bye! *walks away*

Marth: I think I'll join...

Link: OVER MY DEAD BODY, MARTH VADAR!!!!!!!!!!! *runs after Zelda* I think I'll come with you!

*At the pool*

Zelda: Link! Check this out! They put a huge diving board at the pool!

Link: *looks up* Wow! That's high!

Zelda: I've dove off of higher things!

Link: No way!

Zelda: You wanna bet?

Link: 10 red rupees!

Zelda: DONE!!!!! *with a confident smile*

Link: I think I just dug my own grave, financial wise!

Zelda: You sure did! *climbs up to the top of the diving board!

Announcer: We have another crazy person about to take the diving board challenge!

Link and Zelda: HUH!?!?

Announcer: That's right! That girl just might get free dinner for the rest of the cruise if she can nail... drum role. *drum role starts* A quintuple-back flip with 5 aerials and a dive with no splash!

Link and Zelda: SHUGAR-HONEY-ICE-TEA!!!!!!!

Announcer: On your mark, get set, and GO!!! *gun shot*

*Zelda does the move and dives in*


*The song "Get ready 4 this" starts playing and everybody cheers*

Announcer: *walks to the side of the pool with his mic* Why don't you tell us your name and what you have been doing on this cruise! 

Zelda: Uhhh...

Announcer: *in a cheesy voice* Don’t make me shake it out of you!

Zelda: Uhhh...I...Uhhh...

Announcer: I think it's time for... TRUTH SERUM!!!!

Crowd: YAAAAAAAAY! WOOOOOHOOO! Truth serum! Etc.

*the announcer pulls her out of the pool and feeds her some sort of syrup*

Zelda: *with a very weird expression on her face* I'm Princess Zelda... I came here with me fiancé, Link, and I'm getting married tomorrow!

Announcer and crowd: *astonished* Whoa! I can't believe it! Etc.

Zelda: I can't believe this is happening! *dashes to her room on the other side of the boat*

Link: Oh man!

Girl: Hey look everyone! It's Link! The hero of Hyrule!

Link: Uh-oh!

*back at the suite*

Zelda: *crying* I can't believe this!

Link: *comes through the door in the worst state* You okay?

Zelda: All I wanted was a nice private wedding, but all I got were dumb fans and news cameramen following me around!

Link: Hey... *puts his arm around her* Properties aren't going to change what we're all about! Now give me a smile!

Zelda: *smiles a little* Is this okay?

Link: *shrugs sarcastically* Eh, it's okay.

Zelda: *starts laughing*

Link: Much better!

Zelda: *leans her head on his shoulder* I love you, Link!

Link: Ditto. *gives her shoulder a squeeze*

*next day*

Zelda: *almost hyperventilating* OMYGOSH! This is it! I'm getting married today!

Link: Do I really have to wear this tux?

Zelda: Yes!

Link: Oh man!

Zelda: You don't get it near as bad! I have to drag around this 10 pound wedding dress. It's going to be hard to dance in this thing! *picks up a bunch of her dress as it trips a butler with a tray* Oops...

Link: I just hope the whole cruise doesn't show up for the wedding.

Zelda: No you don't. You wish Marth wouldn't show up for the wedding!

Link: How... Oh yeah, mind reading powers. Man I wish you'd stop doing that.

Zelda: I won't let my future husband keep secrets from me!

Link: Oy!

Zelda: Just think, this is the last hour that both of us will be single.

Link: What about the long dragging speech about marriage from the preacher?

Zelda: Oh yeah, I forgot.

Link: How can you forget things? You remember things that I think!

Zelda: Watch it.

Link: *stares past Zelda*

Zelda: Hello? *waves hand in front of his face*

Marth: Hello.

Link:  *sarcastically* Great!

Marth: A hello would be nice, little brother!

Link: Your little brother's name is Link, and I'm only 3 years, 6 months, 11 days, 59 minutes, and 3 seconds younger...2 seconds...1...0...59...58...

Marth: I get it!

Link: You're just jealous.

Marth: Of what?

Link: *singing* I have the girl!

Zelda: Ahem. *clears throat*

Link: *makes a save* Even thought girls should have equal rights and are not prizes to be won.

Zelda: Thank you!

Link: Anyway...Wow, you actually showed up!

Marth: I don't want to miss my brother's wedding!

Link: *staring at him in fake suspicion* Who are you and what have you done with my brother???

Marth: *sarcasm* Har har har.

Link: Well, nice suit.

Zelda: *walks up to Link in fake suspicion* Who are you and what have you done with my fiancé???

Link: What!?!

Zelda: You actually complemented Marth.

Link: I owed him some niceness after he showed up.

Zelda: A kindness trade-off. Interesting. Can't you two just be nice to each other naturaly?

Link and Marth: *look at each other and then at Zelda* No.

Zelda: You really are hopeless.

Marth: Maybe him but not me!

Link: HEY!

Marth: Is for horses. *smiles tauntingly*


Zelda: If you two would act your age instead of your shoe size, I'd like to get back to the fact that I have a wedding in a few minutes. 

Marth: K... See ya, lucky Link!

Link: What's that suposed to mean?

Marth: What that was a complament!

Link: No it wasn't! You never give me a complament!

Marth: I was just saying that you were very lucky, or you put something in her food to get Zelda! *walks away*

Link: *turns back to Zelda* Now you truly see why I hate him I hate him!

Zelda: At least he's here temporarily.

Link: Yeah. Well, are you ready?

Zelda: Was never any more ready.

Link: Okay, see you at the altar.

Zelda and Link: Good luck.

*at the altar there is a long speech from the preacher about love that drones on for an hour*

Preacher: Zelda?

Zelda: Duh, yeah!

Link: I totaly do!

Preacher: Alright you're married! Go ahead! Kiss her!

Link: *kisses Zelda and they both run back down the isle*

*after the wedding*

Link: PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *walks to the refreashments*

Zelda: Oh yeah!

Jesse: Congrats.  I'm glad I didn't catch you in a bad mood.

Zelda: Ha.

Link:  Zelda?*taps Zelda on the soulder*

Zelda: Ye... *Link smashes a piece of cake in her face*

Link: Ha!

Zelda: *smashes some in his face* FOOD FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

*food starts flying everywhere and everyone is running like crazy*

Link: Exuse me for a sec, Zelda. *walks toward Marth*

Marth: Why hello.

Link: Hello, Marthen a la king! *smashes a huge chicken in his face*

Marth: That's it! *chases after Link with a handful of pudding*

Link: Uh-oh.... RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zelda: You could become an olympic runner if you keep being chased like that!

Link: Oh I'm not running away!

Zelda: Then what are you doing?

Link: Running after you!


Link: *throws a handful of pudding at Zelda* Take that!

Zelda: *does the Matrix dodge* Can't catch me!

Link: Hey, we haven't done the flower thing!

Zelda: Okay. *throws her bouquet into the air and all the girls try to catch it*

Marth: *catches it and face turns red* Oh dear.

Link: What's the difference between him and all the other girls?

Marth: Why you little...

Link: I'm not little. I'm only 3 cenimeters shorter than ya. Don't call mwa little.

Zelda: Are you drunk again?

Link: No!

Marth: What about her garter?

Zelda: Oh crud.

Link: *takes her garter off and tosses it in the air and Jesse catches it*

Zelda: What a lovely couple!

Jesse: Oh shut up!

Ze end.

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