Walk A Mile

Author's Notes: A fanfic. from everyone's favorite Princess. Some people get the short end of the stick, but this time Zelda gets her chance for an adventure. A Christmas Present for Shinigami-sama. He also helped out on the story so read his stories, he rocks.

The volcanic fumes of Death Mountain sting my nose even through the face wrap I wear as Sheik. A stray lock of hair escapes my turban and I push it out of the way.

I'm free.

These words mean a lot to me. More than any words that could. Because Ganondorf rules Hyrule now and my only blood relative, my father, had his blood split on the floor. But I'm free now and that is that matters now. I suppose that should be little comfort knowing that the only way I can free is to lie and pretend to be a Sheikah boy.

Anyway, I had always been a tomboy as a child. For me changing my clothes from a dress fit for a princess to a skintight bodysuit was more comfortable. Being a princess meant several layers of clothing, a corset, hiding my hair under a hood until my courses were regular, and binding my breasts. True, I had to hide most of my hair under a turban and bind my breasts (which now was more comfortable than it had been when I was a child) flat, but there was more freedom found in being a male Sheikah than a Hylian princess.

I'll visit Malon and give her words of hope, that her hero will come and set her free. Even without a Hero, I know that Malon will break free. She stays to take care of the horses. She is princess of her own ranch kingdom and I know in my heart that Malon's kingdom is far greater than mine.

Because she has one.

Only one more year, I tell myself, only one more year.

ooo

"Zelda."

Someone was tugging at my ear. I turned my head away and covered my ears from any further tugging. The goddesses may have thought they were blessing us by giving us pointed ears but Sapphire Goddess Farore had some answering to do. I mean I like my ears, but somehow people think that ears so large and pointed make them targets for pulling on. We're a nation of ear-yankers since Hyrule was founded.

"Zelda!"

The voice was sharper this time. The first time it was Link, now it looked like Impa was trying to wake me up. I knew that I should, but I am a Queen. Couldn't I go back to sleep? For the love of all things holy and unholy, I kept better hours as Sheik.

"Fine, fine," I grumbled, finally opening my eyes.

"I'm up earlier than you at the ranch," Link pointed out to me, raising an eyebrow and an ear, smiling slightly.

Link is like the best friend I never had. Despite rumors that we are going out and soon to be wed, we are simply friends and nothing more. I think he still sees me as a friend and to tell you the truth I am fine with that. Friends were something I had too little of. Problem was he also saw me as his queen and couldn't decide if he should bow or shake my hand.

Impa's frowning face and a fancy dress filled my line of vision. I frowned and buried my head in the pillow. I had promised to go on a picnic with Malon and Link today. Not now, not now. Of course, the happy couple probably wouldn't miss me, not that any of us cared, but all three of us agreed I needed to get out of the castle every now and again.

"Ah, come on, Imps," Link cajoled. I smirked into my pillow. Link had just gotten on Impa's bad side. He's a friendly guy, loves you even if you hate him. Impa on the other hand hated being called "Auntie" and "Imps" as well as a combination of the two. "We're going to the lake."

I peeked out from under my pillow. Impa narrowed her cranberry colored eyes to thin slits. She looked like a demon incarnate. "Her Majesty, Queen Zelda Tetra Hyrule." Okay, this is the part where she goes through my full name and various titles. "The Seventh Sage, Lady of Wisdom, Naryu's Avatar," the last two titles meant the same thing, "Guardia Hylia," Ancient Hylian title which none of my family knew what it meant, "Caretaker of Temple of Time," which means I have to keep the temple clean, "Keeper of the Sacred Instruments," if there is more than the Ocarina of Time out there, I will scream, "Does not have time for picnics. She must govern her country."

"But," Link and I both said.

She gave us a stare that could freeze Death Mountain that killed any protest. "You," she pointed to Link, "Out." She pointed to me, "You, get out of bed. Your servants will be here to dress you."

I sighed and watched Link walk out of the room, "Some other time."

He turned and waved. "You know," he said, "I'd hate to leave you on your own... so here."

He tossed me that goofy hood he always wears. It clashed with the normal clothes he now wore, but he swore it was a good luck charm. "Link, this is."

Link shrugged, "Malon says it clashes and looks lame." I remind myself to thank Malon for knocking some sense into his head, "You can keep it."

"Thanks," I said, clutching the silly hat in my hand as my royal dressers came in.

Breast bindings and corset. Joy. I hope Link was having fun. I wasn't.

ooo

My chief advisor was female and fat. She was a lolling blob of fat flesh and fine silks. Her name was Constance. She was an unwed noble from far up north, where fat women were loved and treasured. She wore fine silk and perfumes that never quite disguised the smell of body odor and overcooked turnips. She also looked like a pig and nobody loved her.

I think that sometime in the future, my piggish advisor's description and my land's usurper's descriptions will merge. Pigwoman advisor has palmed a many of my crown jewels and one day I hope to catch her in the act.

It would be hard. Beneath Constance's soft body was a mind as sharp as steel. Constance leaned in closer to me, that sickening smell rolling off of her in waves. I realized I hadn't spoken a word since the daily meeting had begun. Mostly because I was afraid that I would throw up. I opened my fan, pretending to fan myself, but really trying to fan away the stench. "Are you alright, Majesty?" she asked, her small piggish eyes staring at me, "You haven't said a word in all this meeting." An eyebrow, plucked to a thin arc one hair wide, rose questioningly. "Are you unwell?"

"Yes," I said, wincing inside as I said those next sugary words, "But dearest Constance, I prefer to keep in silence. To hear what you have to say." Gag again.

She beamed showing several yellowed teeth. A hand covered in several rings took my own. "Marvelous," Constance declared to the rest of the council, "My Queen is a true judge in character. Is she not?"

Peels of polite applause and commentary.

"Ahh, only the royal family could breed such a character."

More polite applause. All to fit in of course. "Here, here," said an ancient twig of an elf-lord, Hylian in blood and name. Lord Hasti was his name and he was a friend of my grandfather. "And perfect wife material."

I tried not to blanch white at the thought. Oh, not with you, I thought, grimacing and trying to hide my face with the fan. The lord smiled at me. "Thank you," I said, giving a slight, polite smile out of courtesy, "Thank you, Lord Hasti. Your politeness is most welcome."

That's it. Be a polite Hylian Queen. Lord Hasti turned to my advisor who had picked out several of my more uncomfortable outfits, "The perfect purebred example of royalty. You must be proud."

She simpered, a false saccharine sort that left the air sticky sweet. "Zelda has always been a joy to train. It is a shame her hands will never be soft again. And those dreadful muscles. I do what I can."

I turned my attention to the nearest window and begged to the Goddess to take me away from this hellhole. Kill me or kidnap me. Either was fine as long as I could leave this room with this Pigwoman and her fawning admirers.

My prayers weren't answered as I had requested, but they were fulfilled all the same. The door opened a crack and a head of a Zora peeked in. Tattered fins on his head which gave him the look of male pattern baldness twitched slightly. "If council would allow, Zora," he croaked out in a voice like an ill bullfrog, "I would like to take her Majesty to the testing ground."

Finally. The chair scrapped slightly on the floor as I stood up and straightened my pink overdress and the linen shift beneath it. "I bid you leave, my council," I said with a curtsey. Despite my dislike of Constance, I still knew to give the woman respect where respect was due.

The Zora Chemist, Fin, was swaying from side to side, so I snagged the nearest pitcher of water as she passed it. "Oh thank you, Queen Zelda, Zora." Fin gurgled in joy and swallowed half the contents and poured the rest on his head.

"I told you to call me just Zelda," I insisted as the pair crossed the courtyard.

There were several fountains on their path. Fin gave each and every one of them a rather longing look. "You were born royal," he said with a huff, the tendrils on either side of his mouth vibrating with every word said, "Not simply Zelda. There is a tradition after all, Zora."

I sighed before brightening. "Is there really something you wanted to show me or did you sense I wanted out of this week's meeting?" I asked with a slight giggle.

Fin's fins gave a slightly vibration. The old Zora was obviously pleased right down to his webbed four-toed feet. "I have done it, Zora." His black eyes gleamed as he said those words.

I was sure my own eyes were gleaming with excitement. "The potion? The hair-me-heal-me tonic?"

"The very."

The potion, better known as the hair-me-heal-me tonic, was meant to regrow hair and heal you. Both Fin and I were convinced that this would revolutionize the healing arts field. The lab doors were opened a few minutes later letting the smell of fish out into the air. I waved a hand in the air, trying to bat the smell away from my nose as we entered the room. "Can't you clean in here? It reeks."

Fin stared at me blankly. "The air is sweet, Zora."

I sighed. He would be convinced. "Never mind, Fin. So have you tested the formula?"

The Zora coughed and looked rather embarrassed. He shuffled his feet and blushed blue. "Not yet," he said, "I still need test subjects."

I picked up the bottle from its place of honor. "So this is it?" I asked receiving a nod. "Well, I always wanted to be a test subject. Bottoms up," I said with a toast to science and a Zora known as Fin before measuring out a spoonful.

Here goes nothing. I popped the spoon right into my mouth.

..to be continued.